Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Chimps and Barbies

What's that quote? "Good girls keep diaries, bad girls don't have time".

I assume they don't have time because they're off doing scandalous things. Leaving the lid off the Marmite, perhaps, or antagonizing the cat.

I am not such a girl. My lack of blogging hasn't been due to my wild and dastardly lifestyle, but more due to the fact that every time I think about writing a post my brain fills up with things that I want to say but can't seem to find ways of saying them.

I know! Categories!


I don't know if you've heard, but there's this thing on at the moment. What's it called again? Oh, yeah, um, recession. Credit crunch. Worldwide economic meltdown. Did you know? I only just heard, because I don't go out much and they haven't really mentioned it much in my bi-monthly copy of "Horse And Pony" magazine. Anyway, what this means for me is that I haven't got a job. I am still Well-Mannered, Articulate Dole Scum.

I did land a job at one of Manchester's infamous gay clubs. However, when I got there it transpired that there would be no actual bar-work involved. The role was comprised of pushing through crowds of teetering women wearing hen night sashes, lurching around to Dancing Queen while their fake tan dripped down their faces to mingle with the spilled Bacardi and Diet Coke that pooled on the increasingly sticky floor. Collecting glasses, basically. Oh, and keeping an eye out for any vomit on the dance floor. The manager eyed me. "Best to keep a pair of rubber gloves in your back pocket at all times" he smirked, as I tried to conceal my horror. "And check the toilets. People block them, so you have to unblock them. Basically."

Twenty minutes, I lasted, before I announced that it wasn't really "for me" and skulked back to Ben's.

"You smell of hen sick" he announced, as he opened the door. I congratulated him on the line that had only taken him half an hour to come up with, and walked inside.

"I smell, I think you'll find" I said, accepting the glass of wine he was proffering, "of self respect."


Choir is still brilliant. I sang at Old Trafford, which is some kind of sports-related place, apparently. We did a concert at an awards ceremony, and I opened with a solo. My knees shook and I forgot the words a bit, but it was brilliant, and I bloody loved it. Oh, and we're on TV on Thursday! On Channel M, on the breakfast show. Also they have a professional agency affiliated with the choir, for which I am auditioning on Monday. I haven't decided what song to sing, but I am considering penning my own for the occasion. Perhaps entitled "Choir Is So Great And Fun And Super-Brill!".

As you can tell, I haven't managed to curtail my extreme keenness. I suppose I must just accept it, and understand that I will always want to sit at the front, sing loud and know all the words. It is a fact of my life. I must try to think of ways to be cool in other ways. (Suggestions welcome.)

I did a gig with a band, and am going to do some writing with one of the guys from it. I sang at a gig in an Oxfam shop, and have been asked to go back to the Dukes Theatre in Lancaster to do a gig in their autumn season. Actually, Ben and I have been asked to come up with a show (that includes my music and his poetry) to put on in their theatre space, which is in the round and seats about three hundred people. I would also like it to involve a unicorn and me being lowered down in half a giant disco ball while Ben circles the stage in roller skates reciting haikus, but it is still in early stages and we are still in talks with the unicorn's agent, so we will have to see.


I have some! One is leaving to go and live in Birmingham. She is a Bad Influence, always suggesting just one more glass of wine or some extra cake (it is never me). She is an actor, and funny and cool, and I like her, and now she is going to live in another city and I cannot help but take it a bit personally.


I am going to Australia next week! With Ben and his family, to visit his sister. They have had it booked for ages, but it was decided that Ben would be no fun without me, what with all the crying, drawing pictures of me in his diary and general pining, so in a fit of unprecedented generosity his wonderful Dad has bought me a ticket. Can you believe it? This happened two days ago, and we leave on the 8th of April. Hurray! I have been dressed as a kangaroo ever since my ticket was booked for me, which is fun, albeit a little impractical. Luckily the buses all have those ramp things for people in wheelchairs, so I can hop up those. The pouch, it must be said, is handy for grocery shopping and an environmentally-safe alternative to plastic bags.

Life is good. I have had a few panicked, sitting-on-benches-staring-at-pigeons moments, and my living arrangements are still in a constant state of flux. I flit between my grandmother's house and Ben's, both of whom are "happy to have me there", but in my darker moments it feels like I have no home. I struggle with that feeling. I am trying to build my life, doing training for things, courses and music, still refusing to do things I hate and live a life I don't like.

I am going to Australia! Pass me the flip flops and throw some more chimps at some Barbies! (Is that the phrase?) Laura (Ben's sister) lives in Melbourne, so we are going there. I have been to Sydney, and up the coast to Cairns. Also Darwin, I have been there, but I am excited about Melbourne! I am excited about going away and about the films on the plane that I otherwise would not have bothered watching! It will be my 27th birthday when we are out there, which is exciting. Also exciting is the fact that before it had been decided that I would come out as well, Ben arranged a birthday-day for me tomorrow, fueled by love/guilt, so has booked a surprise theatre trip and dinner at a "fancy restaurant".

I am a lucky girl. Now I must go as this kangaroo suit is rather hot and cumbersome and it is becoming increasingly tricky to type.


Blogger Peach said...

aaaaaw I think you're ACE, and to us outsiders, even though it might not feel like it always to you, you really do sound like you're living the life you love - choir singing ACE - met new people, did a gig, now writing with them ACE, asked to do a gig with your BF ACE, going to Australia thanks to Ben's dad, ACE ACE ACE.

Kangaroo suit? Er... lol, much love to you and happy birthday for whenever it is XXX

8:36 pm

Blogger Ellie said...

Good thing you've had all that practice with the security folks in the library! Have fun. London misses you! x, e

10:21 pm

Blogger justme said...

How nice to hear from you! Life sounds GOOD for you, I am happy to say. Have a wonderful time in Australia and a very happy birthday too!
Kangaroo suit.....yes, well!

12:41 pm

Blogger Clive For Nothing said...

Hi Leonie,

This is Clive (Stuart) Anna P's friend.

Oh lord, you did well to escape from The New Union. Bad place.

This might be one of those small-world things, but your actor friend who's moving to Brum, are her initials A.C.?

I might know her. How many can there be?

Also, have you tried the jazz nights on a Wednesday in the King's Arms in Salford? You can jam in the second half of the evening. Have a sing. My friend's a drummer and we go sometimes. It's really friendly and informal.


6:16 pm

Blogger Ys said...

I'm sorry to hear the job front isn't lookinng but at least Australia will be fun! Sounds like a wonderful gift :) Have a great birthday!

3:14 pm

Blogger Lee said...

Melbourne is possibly the best city in Australia. Most Sydney people are expected to be faithful to Sydney, but as shiny as it is, Sydney's just not as cool as Melbourne. You will probably love it.

And it's shrimp (I'm sure you know that), except that no one here actually calls them shrimps.

5:40 am

Blogger Penguinissimo said...


Please start posting more again - the hordes of fans you don't know you have miss the good old days of this blog...

5:04 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Peach - Thank you! Sometimes I feel ace, but mainly I feel more like the joker. Your comment is brilliant, thank you xxx

Ellie - I know! I will have to try not to be so sarky with customs, though. They don't like it. xx

Justme - Thanks, yeah it is mainly good. Australia, though, hurray!

Clive - Hi! Yes, it is AC - she has moved back now. How funny that you know her!

I did go along to the Kings Arms, I sang a song, as well. It's a lovely jam. I would love to go again.

Ys - Going to Australia as consolation prize for not having a job is not a bad deal, I reckon.

Lee - Yeah, I have heard great things about Melbourne, I am very excited to see it. I did really know it was shrimp, it was a poor attempt at a joke.

Penguinissimo - Thank you. I will get to it. xx

12:36 pm

Blogger Clive For Nothing said...

A.C. was an usher where I work until just recently.

Tiny world. That big - finger and thumb quite close together

4:10 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whilst you are beautiful, and seemingly talented, this is bothering -

"I am trying to build my life...still refusing to do things I hate and live a life I don't like."

Not because you don't have a right to do the above, because you do - if you are paying your own way.

There are many of us, lurking in those grim offices you so hate, with dreams and hopes, working our dull, mind numbing jobs then going home to work for another 5 hours to pursue those things. We probably just look like a gaggle of grey, robotic plebs but we are just trying to get on with 'ordinary' things whilst crafting a future for something 'less ordinary' - hopefully if we have grafted enough, it will come.

Exhausting? Yes. Soul Destroying at times? Yes.

But if things come together, it should make us a stronger people and we will know that we have worked for it.

We all have to do things in life we hate sometimes, in order to get from point A to point B. Shame on this generation (and the one below us) for thinking otherwise.

All I'm saying is, we'd all LIKE to sit around pondering life, drinking coffee's and doing our craft. But if we all did that, then who would be providing the dole money? It's not a crime to pursue dreams whilst swallowing a dose of reality.

3:53 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

Forgot to mention in my last comment in your most recent post - hey.. happy early birthday! And have a fantastic trip to Australia! How sweet of his family.. and so much fun for you both! Yay for trips and birthdays.

Also - suggestion to be cooler: Bring a pony to choir and they can't help but put you in front.. maybe singing sitting atop of it? That'll bring the house down. ;) xo

8:29 pm

Blogger Benjamin Mellor said...

Anon -How long have you been reading for? I have been working solidly in office jobs for the last four years. I don't judge anyone else for doing what they're doing. If you actually read what I have been writing, been looking for a job. Don't talk to me about reality, you obviously need to make changes in your life if you feel the need to go around making anonymous preachy comments without reading things properly.

Miss D - Thank you! I will try the bringing a pony to choir thing. I think it will go down very well... x

10:03 am

Blogger Léonie said...

That last comment was from me...

10:08 am

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