Friday Fig Newtons

Appetizer
Fill in the blanks: I ____________ when I _____________.

I can only think of dirty things to write when I see this question.

Soup
Name something you use to make your home smell good.

Scented candles. I like the strawberry and papaya one.

Salad
If you could receive a coupon in the mail for 50% off any product, what would you want it to be for?

A pony.

Actually, no, I think maybe some DVDs and CDs. A less grandiose request than a pony (although the pony wouldn't have to be grandiose, just a simple farm pony with a good heart would be perfect) but more practical and easier to get from Amazon.


Main Course
Besides sleeping, what do you spend the majority of the hours of your typical day doing?

Thinking about things. Looking for lipbalm in my bag. Singing to myself. Wishing I had better hair. Checking to see if my hand is tanned enough to leave a ring mark yet. Seeing whether I have new emails. Writing lists of criteria for my ideal pony. Colouring with crayons.

Actually I would say I spend seventy percent or more of my average day thinking about how to advance my singing career, writing lists and making elaborate spider diagrams. Make that eighty percent, actually, assuming I'm not drunk in a pub somewhere. If I'm drunk in a pub somewhere it is safe to assume that I will be laughing raucously at my own jokes.

Dessert
What can you hear right now while answering these questions?

The strains of Bjork coming from the other side of the office. The whir of my (sadly ineffectual) desk fan. The click-clack-clacking of my keyboard. Someone making Friday night plans that involve tequila.


I deem these questions to be slightly better than those of last week.

Someone has just put Jeff Buckley 'Grace' on the stereo. This makes me happy as a pony, as it's one of my all time favourite albums.

I can't really be bothered thinking of anything else to write, as I am all hot and tired (last night there was gin and some of it accidentally went in my mouth, and while I was trying to get it out I fell over into a big vat of it [also with tonic in it] and had to drink my way out and... oh it was awful). I have found another set of questions to answer.

(From http://community.livejournal.com/thefridayfive/)

These ones allow me to talk about how great I am in various ways, which I prefer to do than talk about my particular methods of scenting my home.

1. What about you makes you unique?
This is not a good start. I suppose everything makes me unique. Nothing so obvious as 'well, I suppose the fact that I have an orange for a head is different', but we're all different. People have said told me I'm strange on more than one occassion, but I always take it as a compliment. Even when specifically instructed otherwise.

2. What aspect of your physical appearance do you think makes you stick out from the crowd?

My chest, I suppose, literally. Also I have an orange for a head.

3. What do you always have with you while out in public? (for example, earrings, purse, wallet, watch, etc.)

Purse (meant in the English way, to mean wallet), keys, phone. Ipod usually. A book, my diary. Most importantly, however, lipbalm.

4. Is there anything about your body that you think isn't normal?

Um. Not really. I am not going to make a third 'orange for a head' joke, as I honestly don't think it was at all funny the first time, not to mention the second. I shall avoid flogging a dead pony and just answer that, no, I don't think I have any major abnormalities to cope with. Physically.

5. What are you complimented on (looks, smarts, anything) the most? Why do you think that's the case?

I'm not sure, really. It's a tricky question. I can tell you some things I am never complimented on, though.
My mathematical prowess
My aptitude for video games
My boundless wealth
My keenness for all sporting events
My knowledge of computers
My ability to back down and not have to be right all the time
My skill at being able to have one drink and go home
My immaculate housekeeping skills
My jokes

Actually I am sometimes complimented on my ability to tell jokes, but about an equal number of people have banned me from ever telling another joke again in my or their lifetime, so I'm not sure where to go with that.

Men on the street compliment me on my great personality, good work for charity and compassion for small injured animals.

People compliment me on my singing but only because I force them to by threatening to tell them all the jokes I know, which is a lot.

On another note, I am enjoying the fan sitting in front of me on my desk, as it is blowing my hair back in the manner of an eighties pop video. I am going to go and find some large shoulder pads, backcomb my hair a little more and locate a dove that I can release from my clasped hands in the manner of Bonnie Tyler in the Total Eclipse of the Heart video.

Actually I have a meeting tomorrow about a music video I've been asked to be in, for that track I linked to the other day. We're going to lunch in Portobello Road, and meeting with the producer, manager and stylist, as well as Tom, the singer. I am going to wear a big sign saying 'IT IS IN YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU DO NOT ASK ME TO FREESTYLE DANCE'.

Next week I have two more music meetings. I am being covertly excited about them. By, obviously, writing about it all on the Internet.

I feel somewhat loquacious today so I might update. I am also clearly in the mood for typing words like loquacious, which I think we might all agree cannot be a good sign.

Have a good weekend.