Thursday, October 21, 2010

Three Minutes and a Power Ballad

I can hear the cat scritch-scratching about upstairs. It is a worrying sound, given that recently we awoke to him performing what we could only assume to be some kind of protest wee on a flannel. Yesterday I found him weeing on a pot plant, looking at me with wide eyes and an expression of resigned satisfaction. I shouted at him, but didn't want to shoo him off in case I found myself holding a fountainous feline. I would have ended up putting him in the kitchen sink like a burning saucepan, which would have been less than hygienic. I have worked in kitchens, so I know for a fact that animal urine + food preparation area = major breach of health and safety regulations.

My fingers are freezing. I have been sitting all morning here at my desk, sedentary and concentrating, and only now I come to type have I started to notice how cold I am. I have been arranging versions of various Christmas carols for the show I am working on in Halifax, and it is making me chilly. Trying to work out how much harmony I can expect a group of young people to hold and sing a cappella, that is confusing. It seems pretty easy to me, but I am supposedly "good" at, like, music and stuff, so how much less do I put in? Or do I expect loads from them and be like in a film, where I am hard on them and a bit scary at first but they grow to love and value me as I push their singing to the limits and they end up winning the All State National Championship after getting implausibly better in the duration of a three minute montage sequence?

I would like my life to contain more montage sequences and less actual work.

Things I would definitely do if I could have a montage sequence to do them in:

1. Drive
2. Do exercise
3. Release an award-winning album, produced myself, against all odds
4. Train the cat not to wee in plants
5. Train the cat to make tea
6. Train the cat to dance on demand

What things would you have a montage sequence for?


Blogger Wierdo said...

My not-very-good year 10 and 11 manage to all get C's when my discipline gets better.

Or, getting through all these job applications (for him not me)

Bah! Now I'm dissapointed that I'll have to actually do them. Also, I want to see sister act.

4:30 pm

Blogger Tracey said...

Haha ... that's awesome!!

I would totally drive in my montage too ... perhaps get some 'day job' work done so I could save up some 'real living' time for later ... ;)

3:16 pm

Blogger Ellie said...

1. Walking the dog in the park. Sometimes alone. Sometimes with The Man.

2. Sipping wine at my desk, on my sofa, in my bed, in the kitchen (whilst cooking) but never getting drunk and never getting fat and just looking and feeling so good with a glass of Albariño or Ribuera del duero.

3. Helping my neighbour get into her flat. (She is old and hard of sight and frail, and the keys don't do so well in the paper thin skin of her hands). I imagine word getting around to the rest of the building that I am kind and helpful and a good person to have as a neighbor in the building.

4. Sitting at a Jazz bar listening to the amazing funny girl perform.

8:37 pm

Blogger fergus said...

My montage would be me becoming ridiculously good at yoga, ending with me both buff as f*ck AND terribly peaceful. There would be at least one shot of my on a mountain near a lake, and once I was actually buff there would be pretty much no shirts ever.

God, I need to get out more.

6:08 pm

Blogger fergus said...

PS I should actually be at a yoga class right now, but I'm drinking coca cola instead and feeling very guilty about it.

6:10 pm

Anonymous Sid said...

Montage ...
1) Attending my own book signing. I haven't published a book yet ... or even written one ...
2) Dancing around in my pjs

2:14 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

Mine would be hanging out w/ friends and laughing, curling up w/ an awesome book, working out, directing something important in the theater, writing furiously and cracking myself up over my pure brilliance, having that movie moment of bumping into mr. perfect maybe.. umm.. yeah.. something like that.

Haven't read blogs in ages, let alone done much in mine. Miss your words sugar.. hope you had a fantastic holiday! xo

7:21 am


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