Wednesday, May 04, 2005


Don't like 'em.
(Some of them I actually do like, but for the purposes of this post I am going to generalize and pretend I hate them all.)
There are certain things that someone can do or say which make you put down your book/candyfloss/swarthy Italian man and say, hang on, just wait a minute there cowboy. What the HELL was I doing with (insert name of ex here)? Why did I waste my time with this pathetic excuse for a human person? At which precise point did I lose all respect for myself? Who exactly IS this swarthy Italian and why have I been carrying him around with me all day? (That happened to anyone else? No? Just me? Ah.)

So the trigger for this is not actually one of my own experiences, although I am relatively certain that I'll find some way to slide one in there at some point.
My friend, let's call her Sally (her name isn't Sally. Don't worry, Gemma, all identities have been chang.. oh.. shit..ah fuck that).
Anyway she's just split up with her boyfriend of three years and they were living together so with that there are all the logistical troubles to add to the emotional ones. It's tricky. Now my friend Sal-emma (that's code, by the way) is being very brave, very soldierish. She knows that it is for the best and she knows he wasn't good enough for her. He wasn't. She's beautiful, a real bombshell, vivacious, funny, well-dressed. She has AMAZING hair. Sometimes I lie awake at night trying to work out a cunning way of stealing her hair and attaching it to my own head without her noticing, but so far, well, since I eliminated the Grand Sellotape Plan, I have had nothing.
Anyway, I digress.
I stayed at her house last night (yes, that was step one of the GS Plan, but I chose not to implement it, given the circumstances) and we went into her bedroom armed with some Jack Daniels and some serious swear-words to use in an ex-boyfriend slamming way, and there was a letter on her bed.
She picked it up while I was shaking up the Diet Coke (I live on the edge and embrace risk). She sat and read it slowly, her face going all still and kind of blank. I stood watching her read and as she got to near the bottom her nostrils started to flare. Now, anyone that knows Gem-ly knows that this is a Bad Sign. It's literally a physical manifestation of her hatred and I have seen it before, but rarely and with consequences.

It turned out that her ex had written loads and loads of really patronising CRAP in this letter.. I quote
"the right guy's out there for you, hang in there"
Fuck you
"keep smiling, your smile's too great not to use"
And your Mum
"I'd still like it if we could go to the cinema from time to time, and if I could come to your house-warming"
And your entire extended family and all their pets

So this made her angry, pissed off, upset and all the rest. But the nostril flaring? Came at this point:
"So if you could leave my washing out for me to come and collect that'd be great, thanks."
Yeah sure, I'll do that. And I tell you what I'll have a great big FUCKING smile on my face while I do it, shall I?
She flew into a rage like flies fly into those buzzy blue things. Meaning that it was inevitable and made a lot of quite unpleasant noise.
So, I mean, honestly. Was he always like that, taking her for granted, making her feel unappreciated and assuming she'd always just take care of him and do stuff for him without a second thought?
Yes, apparently. Somehow she assumed that it was alright, that she just did the housework-y stuff and he just, didn't. That she got him birthday presents and cards and shit, and he just, like, didn't. Not one birthday present for those three years.
I hate exes. I have to see one of mine this weekend and I REALLY don't want to. The most recent one, the one who screwed me over. I just don't want to see him. But I have to.
Screw the exes. Lock 'em in a cage while we get on with our lives and get drunk on Jack Daniels.
You agree?


Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said...

Exes suck.... but what excellent learning tools! But whoa is her ex-boyfriend ballsy! He needs to get with the program, and everything she has acquired of his (which obviously wouldn't be gifts...jackass) should be place in a burning pile on her front lawn for him to come "pick up."
-Career Woman

2:51 pm

Blogger Bug said...

I agree with Career Woman about his things, although I think a burning pile is a bit subtle. Maybe she could find out his new address and leave them all there. Attached to the walls with a staple gun

A shitty ex deserves everything he gets

3:36 am

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I may be suffering under the same yoke curently as your friend was in her past relationship. How do you decide if the crap is worth putting up with? I want to be able to see life without the 'ex' (or current as he is, currently...)but right now it's hard to know which way to go. What was her final straw?

8:20 am

Anonymous Lorna said...

So very very true. Exes, as a rule, suck. Tried to apologise once and for all to an anonymous-but-blatantly-obvious-who-I'm-talking-about ex, and all I got was "fuck you - why now - if you don't want a relationship again then why are you bothering - you don't exist to me anymore".

I love it.

Go with the Jack Daniels.

Hope you're alright generally though - good to hear from you :) xx

10:28 am

Blogger Léonie said...

Hi Lorna! Not, sure, but I think I MIGHT know who you're talking about.. Nice to hear from you! I think we should all put on really big shoes and stamp on our exes heads. That ought to do it..

10:43 am

Blogger Léonie said...

Dear anonymous person. I think it is so easy to stay with someone because the prospect of not being with them is so horrible for so many reasons.. you don't want him to be with someone else, you can't imagine being with someone else yourself, and above all it is impossible to imagine how your life would change. I guess the only way to be able to make a clear decision about this is to know, really really know, that whatever happens you'll get through it as an individual. That it'll be hard and horrible, and it goes against every instinct to cause yourself that much pain. BUT hold on to the knowledge that the pain doesn't last forever, that there will come a point where you will be on the other side. I'm not saying that I think you should go either way, that's something only you can know. Just know that you can get through whatever happens, that you will be even better than fine, and you might be able to see things a little more clearly.
Hope this helps and that you are alright.. Good luck xx

10:52 am

Anonymous DJ DeeDub said...

I'd just like to apologise on behalf of men in general for being stupid and inadequate. I blame society. But not my mother - don't you dare say anything about my mother!

I can't even remember her birthday. I mean, I care and everything, but it just doesn't stick. How do girls do it? Is it because they all have diaries?

3:27 am

Blogger Léonie said...

No, I don't have a diary. I have a hand though, which I sometimes use for writing important things on. I actually usually forget birthdays which is why I am a social reject. Or it might be the leprosy.. either one.

7:48 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

To all who may be concerned that with all the nostril flaring I've been doing that I may have lost the plot...I haven't! I'm quite thrilled to be rid of someone who really was as Leonie so fabulously puts it - a twunt. Add the no birthday presents to the stash of porn I found when packing his stuff and you could safely say that I wouldn't go back to him for all the anti nostril flaring drgs in boots not even if he gave me three birthday presents at once! And to the girl who thought she might be in the same situation as me, my final straw was when he suggested we just "see each other" having been together 3 yrs! apart from that he was anti social when it came to my friends and instaed of spending time with me on the rare occasions that he had an early shift he would go and try on all his clothes. that is not a lie! Don't put up with it! There are lovely lovely men out there (I'm lucky enough to know some!) he wont change he'll just evolve in to a bigger dickhead. Gems xxx

10:54 am


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