Friday, May 19, 2006

Feasty Treats for All

The Friday's Feast today has hard questions. I was going to just sneakily not do them, but then I would feel naughty. As much as I do like feeling naughty, I am going to attempt them anyway.
I want you to know that I think these questions are tricky and that I am feeling very brave and strong doing them.

What is the last thing you had to have repaired?

The bridge on my cello is slightly broken, so I can't put the A string on it. I haven't had it repaired yet, though, but I will. Soon. I think I might be able just to superglue it, but I am scared to try, because with my immense capacity for fucking really straightforward things up (remember the dye episode?) I will no doubt end up with my head superglued to my knees and one eyelid superglued to my lower lip.

If someone gave you $2,000 with the stipulation that you had to spend half of it on yourself and give the rest to charity, where would you spend the $1,000 and which charity would receive your remaining $1,000?

To spend in one shop? I would probably go to Selfridges, because they have everything in there. I would buy new bras, although they might not have my size. Definitely fancy knickers. Lots of things, I would buy.

Oh, yeah, and the charity bit. It's tricky to decide this, because it's like saying that one is more deserving than the others. I would want to give money to hospices, also to Shelter (homeless charity). Then also to a humanitarian aid charity. Amnesty. It's really hard to decide. Sadly this is not a choice I am faced with in real life.

What is one of your favorite songs from the 1980s?

Echo Beach, by Martha and the Muffins. I feel uplifted every time I hear that song.

Main Course
You enter a pet store. Which section do you go to first?

The puppies. I just got an image in my mind of lots of little puppies bouncing and tumbling all over each other and was actually moved to say "aaah" out loud. It's strange to get all misty-eyed over imaginary puppies, right?

Sanity will not be gracing us today, ladies and gentlemen.

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how athletic are you?

I love that they stipulate that the number ten is higher than the number one. Just in case of confusion.

Athletic. Well, I have quite a high natural level of fitness. I used to run a lot when I was younger, and have recently started again. I'm rubbish at team sports as a general rule, because I get so angry at myself when I mess up and I feel like I'm letting the team down and then I just want to go home. I like solitary sports (stop being dirty).

Looks-wise, I have althetic legs from all the running, but you wouldn't look at me and think 'there's someone who goes to the gym everyday'. This might have something to do with the fact that I don't.

I'd say about a seven.


Well that wasn't so bad. I dealt with that very bravely, I'm sure you'll agree.

Tonight we are going out for David's birthday, David being my very lovely housemate. Not that Bec isn't lovely as well, you know. Anyway, we're going out in central London to a bar called something or other and then a club called something else. Some foreign name, not sure. Resonation, I fear, may be on the cards. Also dancing.

I have nothing else of interest to impart, other than that I am hungry and trying to decide whether it's too early to eat my lunch. Sorry, that's not interesting.

I saw Pippa last night, my friend who works in fashion PR (darling) and she gave me some lovely earrings and a bracelet that she swiped from work.

Also I suspect mice are following me. We have a mouse in our flat at home, and now there are mice in my office. What are they trying to say? I asked one, but it just mumbled something about cheese and scampered off. Interesting. Perhaps it's like it the mice on Magrathea in whichever Hitchhiker's Guide book it is (I think the first one), and they're trying to alert me to their masterplan. That seems the most likely explanation.

I think now I can justify eating my lunch. I will leave you with a brilliant quotation from Hitchhiker's. I love those books. This is Arthur complaining to his local council planning department about not having been informed of their plans to demolish his house.

" ...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling anyone or anything.'
But the plans were on display...'
On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.'
`That's the display department.'
`With a torch.'
`Ah, well the lights had probably gone.'
`So had the stairs.'
`But look you found the notice didn't you?'
`Yes,' said Arthur, `yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The Leopard".'"


Update: I looked at the time this post claimed it had been published and it said 11.26. It's actually 12.34, which is a much more normal time to crack open one's Postman Pat lunchbox and get started on the salt 'n' vinegar Squares.

Update again:

I have decided to keep adding my favourite Douglas Adams quotes to this post all day.

"Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction there and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."

"What the hell, he thought, you're only young once, and threw himself out of the window. That would at least keep the element of surprise on his side."

"Pages one and two [of Zaphod's presidential speech] had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. Itwas constructed largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossiblefor a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it."

From the Dirk Gently books:

"He believed in a door. He must find that door. The door was the way to... to...
The Door was The Way.
Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to."

"Richard was loking at the bird as if it was the most extraordinary thing he had ever seen in his life, and the bird was looking at Richard as if defying him to find its beak even remotely funny."

Can't be bothered to do any more.


Blogger Dancinfairy said...

Wow. We picked the same song.
I also put puppies down first and then changed it to Bunnies as I seem to have a thing about them at the moment and I wasn't sure if you really could buy puppies from a pet store.

The mice were in the third book.

It is never too early to start your lunch. Yesterday I ate mine at 9.45am. See, told you I have no willpower.

2:31 pm

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

IDIOT. I meant to say the mice were in the first book, therefore confirming your suspicions. I blame the ******* **** that I have mentioned on my blog today.

2:32 pm

Blogger Ant said...

It was the incidental characters that I loved, like Agrajag, who Arthur kept inadvertantly killing...

Or the immortal that was going to insult the universe in alphabetical order: "You're a jerk, Dent".

Brilliant stuff.

2:55 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

DF - I knew you'd pick Echo Beach, because you mentioned it in a post a while ago. Yes, I have learnt your whole blog by heart. I recite it to myself every morning.
Any pet store worth its salt would sell puppies. I was going to say magical ponies, but that would be a very special kind of shop.

Ant - Yeah, I love Agrajag. I love his name. The bowl of petunias that inexplicably thinks "oh, not again" before it hits the ground.
Ah yes, and Wowbagger The Infinitely Prolonged. Such a good name. You're a jerk, Stell.

3:21 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you promised us tampons!

the image of the eye/lip superglue thing made me laugh into my cream egg (if its not too early for lunch then its not too late for easter)

8:25 pm

Blogger Steve said...

I'll have to agree with you about team sports. Just giving the ball to someone else is anathema to me. I WANT ALL THE GLORY

I'm OK at sports where it's just me. Martial arts, and I'm OK at running as well. Yes, I can say that now!


That felt good.

10:33 pm

Blogger Ant said...

Actually, yeah I meant to say - we were promised tampons in this post...

Do you take post requests?

10:12 am

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

I thought I'd add a quote of my own:

"Only the mediocre are always at their best."
- Jean Giraudoux

That doesn't reflect how I think you are, because you're fucking awesome. I just found it very insightful.

11:43 pm

Blogger lady miss marquise said...

Hope you enjoy dancing and drinking and there's just the right amount of debauchery to tell the next day.

I agree with you on the Selfridges thing - there would be shoes and handbags but I don't think my thousand pounds would go far
*feigns concern*

And I love the Douglas Adams addition, it amused me greatly!

1:19 am

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

You always give me a little chuckle girl.. the mice and your oh so athletic legs.. you crack me up!

2:01 am

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi just 2 say my name is Leonie 2!

3:13 pm


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