Scritching the Atch

And I'm BACK IN THE GAME! High fives all round. I can stop weeping into my Nescafé now. I couldn't reach my blog and it was quite upsetting. Strange how quickly I feel a little bit dependent on being able to share my crap with the Internet. I nearly had to start actually talking to real people for a moment there.. Phew narrow escape.

In the last couple of (barren, blogless) days I feel like I should've achieved something. Invented something, maybe. Unearthed something, or had an epiphany and shouted Eureka! about something. In truth? Yeah, not so much.
I do have a bit of advice to share though, just a little spot of information for you to to write on your hand this sunny Friday.

If you get a tattoo, beware. It will Itch like a Bitch. Mine does. And everyone will say to you NO! Naughty recent tattoo-ee. Do not even let the idea of scratching flutter through your mind. Because if you do you will DIE (or something, not sure of the details).

Here's what to do, in a number of easy steps.

1) Find a mosquito. Just a simple one, doesn't have to be all fancy, like that one in Jurassic Park. Just your basic, friendly neighbourhood mossie.
2) Ask it to suck your blood. It should be willing to do this without too much bother.
3) Wait.
4) It will itch.
5) Scratch it till it bleeds. Then, when it bleeds, clean off the blood (maybe you could give the excess to the mosquito? That might be a nice gesture) and scratch some more.
6) Enjoy!

By following this procedure you will promptly forget all about the tattoo and start concentrating on the itch you can actually scratch! Eureka!

I know, I know, pure genius. Stay in school kids. One day you might be as clever as I am.