Thursday, August 25, 2005

It's just that they STING and are evil.

I am going to therapy so I can build my own ladder to get me out of this pit. And, yes, I made up that particular piece of sentimental crap ALL BY MYSELF. I am taking some drugs as well. HURRAH!

Anyway, more questions from Dancinfairy..


1) You have a super power for a day. What is it and how do you use it, for Good or Evil?

I use all my Super Powers for good! All of them! Apart from my ability to make kittens spontaneously combust, which I have yet to use for purposes other than my own entertainment.
I would want to control all Physics. That would be my power. To be able to change ANY law of physics, and then I could do ANYTHING. Think about it. I could. I could be invisible, or slow down time, or fly, or do all sorts of other things I don't get because I am an Artsy person.
I would rule the Universe and make you all my Bitches. Mwahahahaha. Ha.
Er, but, yeah for Good. Probably.

2) You always make me laugh. Who makes you laugh?

On the Internet? Loads of people. In Real Life? Loads of my friends make me laugh. Zack Braff makes me laugh, I think because he's really silly.
My Dad is funny and makes me laugh, except when he's telling me that, no, I cannot have that extra pony because six is enough. Bollocks. I think he's just nervous because of what happened the time he bought me all those kittens.

3) What is the worst outfit you have ever worn?

When I was at uni I did a lot of musical theatre, and have had to wear some hideous outfits for that. I am thinking particularly of one show where I had to wear a blue nylon get up that would have made the Olsen twin with the eating disorder look like an elephant with a particular fondness for snacking on lard. In the same show I wore a shit-brown blouse that actually had mould on it. The reason I was forced to wear these things is because the person in charge of the wardrobe choices wanted me to look horrible so no one would fancy me (one person in particular, obviously). We're friends now though, and often have a good laugh about those outfits. She succeeded, BELIEVE ME.
But what's the worst outfit I have worn of my own volition?
I have never worn anything that wasn't UBER-cool.
Apart from, like, shell-suits, global hyper-colour T-shirts, cycling shorts, ankle high trainers and kilts. And chiffon shirts with flower patterns on them. And floppy hats. With flower patterns on them. And purple knee length denim shorts. With, er, flower patterns on them.
Hmm.
Mental note: Do not make wild sweeping statements about own coolness and then negate it in the following sentence.

4) What is your biggest fear?

I am wasp-o-phobic. I cry if wasps look at me.
From a wider point of view I am most afraid of failure.
No, actually, fuck that, it's wasps. Hang on, I think, wait, is there one on me? It's on me! I know it IS! Don't lie! Oh shitshitshitgetitoffmehelpmegetitawayfrommeNOWNOWNOW!
IDON'TCAREDON'TTELLMETOSITSTILLI'mtooscaredandLOOKATMECRYING!
(rocks back and forth weeping)

5) Recommend a book that everyone should read

Three words. Can Of Worms. As in, asking me that is like opening one.
But, in brief? Hitchikers Guide To The Galaxy (and also, question 2? DOUGLAS ADAMS). Haroun and The Sea of Stories - Salman Rushdie.
I LOVE reading. It makes me happy. I love reading all sorts of things. I've been sitting here for AGES without typing to try to think of other ones to recommend but I can't think of any specifically at this moment.
One tip - Ulysses by James Joyce? TAKES AGES. Just saying.

Ta DA! That's it.
(Bows graciously)
Thaaaank you.

In other news I just bought this jacket. I shouldn't buy things online because they invariably don't fit, and I forget to send them back and keep trying them on every couple of months only to come the conclusion that, no, time has not improved it, or me, and therefore I have still wasted £50 on something I will never, ever wear.
Oh well.

(sighs mournfully whilst simultaneously scanning around for errant wasps)

10 Comments:

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

Thank you! Your answers are fabulous and having me chuckling away in a way that makes all my colleagues think that I have finally completely lost it.

Glad you seem to have got some of your funny back.

Shell suits - oh.my.god. mine was BRIGHT pink with a green and a purple stripe. I thought I was the bees knees (note bee - not wasp, wouldn't want you to panic!) I was so SAD.

Oh and Zack Braff - hands off he is mine.

2:51 pm

 
Anonymous Euan said...

It's a nice jacket. I hope it fits you.

3:15 pm

 
Blogger Doug said...

When I was 6 and my brother 5, we found some Yellow Jackets flying out of a hole in the ground. I got this great idea to throw rocks and stones into the hole from about 6 inches away. This was all down in a little drainage ditch. So after throwing about 2 rocks into the holes, this swarm of Yellow Jackets comes tearing out after us. I pushed my brother out of the way to clamber up the hill and ran for home. I was only stung twice, but my brother was stung a number of times. To this day, he freaks out when he sees bees of ANY kind. And I can say that is all thanks to me.

3:17 pm

 
Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

I once accidentally bought two copies of the same CD. At the same time. For some reason I didn't remember that I had just purchased the CD, so I went and bought another one. I was rather surprised at my apparent lack of common intelligence when two packages arrived in the mail.

Oh! I have a new blog site that I'm trying out for a while. Just click on my name up there, and you'll go right to it. =)

3:30 pm

 
Blogger C said...

"And now for something completely different..."

I just finished downloading Ella's version of Mack the Knife, she's such a great singer, and a character (she was playing up to the audience on this live version).

When she breaks into the Louis impersonation, she manages the deep voice well. It always makes me feel ill every time I attempt it… yes I try to sing Louis Armstrong songs in the shower… there I said it!

I was on the verge of buying the Ulysses on waterstones but it’ll be fourth on my reading list. I’ve got one word for that book… long.

I used to kill wasps when I was younger, I’m not pleased with myself, just happy to finally get that one off my chest… phew.

8:29 pm

 
Anonymous Angela said...

Yes, wasps... quite frightening... for some reason more so than bees. Perhaps because they don't have the trendy yellow and black striped fuzzy jacket. I predict that's going to be making a big comeback this fall. And speaking of jackets--quite a nice one you chose, I *love* the shiny lapels!

10:21 pm

 
Blogger Tim said...

I'm afraid of WASPs, too. I also try to avoid DINCs (Aka DINKs) and YUPpies. One group I still feel a kinship with, however, is NERDs.

7:57 am

 
Blogger Léonie said...

Doug - that story scared me. Oh my GOD your poor brother. That story made me shudder. Like this, look (shudders).
C - I applaud both your killing of wasps (I would kill them if I could get close enough without dying of terror) and your singing of Louis in the shower. I sing Ella.
Angela - I also love the shiny lapels. I will send you the jacket when it arrives because it almost certainly won't look any good on me and one of us might as well get some use out of it.
Tim - I don't understand. Am I really thick? (don't answer that, please) (unless the answer is a resounding 'no you're not you're really clever and cool')

9:42 am

 
Blogger monkey typist said...

you know what L, you can totally write..and i cant, as you can see by that comment!

10:06 am

 
Blogger Tim said...

I thought you meant White Anglo-Saxon Protestants (W.A.S.P.). I used to get stung by them all of the time. I had a different kind of childhood.

5:06 am

 

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