Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I hate you, nature

I was going to say that if you're a boy you won't want to read this, but fuck it, I think you should know.

Periods are horrible.

They make me feel the following:

1. Teary
2. Tired
3. Filled with inexplicable wrath towards inanimate objects that jump out in front of me and bite me right on the shins
4. Snappish
5. Fat like a.. like a whale with a thyroid problem
6. Confused and dizzy and unable to come up with similes that make sense
7. Despairing about seemingly insignificant things like making a list and it not coming to ten
8. Pain-y in the stomachular area
9. Pain-y in the kneecular area
10. Upset about things like not quite knowing what I want for lunch and having made up some words

Also I keep forgetting to do things that people ask me to do and then people ask me whether I've done them and I feel a bit scared that I haven't done them yet (the thing, not the person asking) and it all just gets a little bit much to cope with.

Being a girl is great mostly. I like it. But this? SUCKS. And it's EVERY FUCKING MONTH.

I am cross. Get in my way and I will beat you the hell up and then probably ask for a hug and frisk you for chocolate, sandwiches and the like.

UPDATE: I had pizza for lunch with my friend. Pizza! On a TUESDAY! Imagine. If my mother were not alive, well and at Whipsnade Zoo she would be turning in her grave. It was nice pizza, it had Italian meats (peperoni, salami, and parma ham) parmasan cheese, and then I may or may not have added an anchovy or two.
I can say with 100% certainty that I am not pregnant, but I may cannot use that same percentage with regards my sanity.
This has helped all points apart from number five, which is now the reigning point.


Blogger Adrian said...

You think it's bad for you. Imagine how bad it is for us guys. We have no idea what to do with you girls once a month. We live in fear.

2:40 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh good god me too, me too. and I am a girl by the way. All the points mentioned - I nod heartily in empathy. It is indeed a curse. But one day it will end. Hurrah! and then we will be old and how we will miss having the painters in!

3:14 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

me three :( worsely than usual, for some unknown reason. my knees are fine though,so im grateful for that

3:24 pm

Blogger lady miss marquise said...

I get very emotional, and teary and mad, and all confused and forgetful... and crave strange things as well.

Not to mention a strange irregularity in any of the symptoms, adding only on occassion the tender breasts and back ache, the temperature flushes, irrationality, and the overwhelming illusion that everything, EVERYTHING is chocolate. Or at least should be. Followed by anger when it's not.

But then maybe I'm just weird...

3:40 pm

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

It gets each and every one of us in a different way but it is never nice.

I would definately recommend the evening primrose and starflower oil supplements though, I would never have believed it but they definately made me feel at least 50% more human.

Go home, get under a duvet and eat lots of chocolate. ;o)

4:12 pm

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Believe me. Being a man, I know all the wrath that comes with greeting your "friend" every month.

Growing up, I had my mother and two sisters that just happened to get their periods all together, or one right after the other. Nothing can be as bad as that.

But, I sympathize nonetheless. Feel better!

9:28 pm

Anonymous Jenny said...

LOL - I'm sorry for your pain, but whale with a thyroid problem was pure comedy! Hee!

9:28 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

Yes.. all 10 or so.. and made up words and fat fat fat.. HATE. IT. But frisking someone for chocolate could be fun.. especially if you think they really don't have any..

2:08 am

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

I just got an email at work and it made me think of this post so I thought I would share:

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. And when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol
and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

11:45 am


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