There is one word to sum it up: TYPICAL.

So the woman from the gig next Thursday which is realy big and exciting and important and called me up yesterday and we had a chat and I mentioned again that I am just preparing some covers in a jazz funk way for the gig because I'm singing with people I've never worked with before and I asked again whether that would be alright and she paused.
I heard the pause. For her it was a moment of silence whereas for me it sounded more like a hundred people saying "you're going to look like an idiot" in an irritating sing-song voice. So after the pause she told me that they don't usually want people who cover other songs because the night's all about fresh new music but, you know, it's TOO LATE NOW and whatever we've got. Which sounded to me like the hundred people from before had just bumped into their thirty-thousand closest friends and family and they had all grouped together for a hearty rendition of "why the fuck did you get into something you can't handle you are going to be laughed at and never invited back" with two repeats and a coda. She then asked if I had ONE song I could do that was my own. To which the answer is no I don't because anything I have written I've thrown away because I've been too embarrassed of it. But to which I responded yes, yes I will do one of my own.

To an audience of three hundred people.

I will, between now and next Thursday, pen something fit for consumption by and audience riddled with music industry types and people I know.

I promised that I am going to try to see the funny side of difficult situations, so, with that in mind, I say this:

HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I have never written anything I have been comfortable singing to one person. I do actually find this quite funny and last night I could hardly sleep at all with the hilarity and amusement of it all.

I think I'm going to pretend I'm in a film. If this was a film I would write the Bestest Song Ever and people would be awed by my musical prowess. Then again, if this was a film, I wouldn't be wearing the same clothes as yesterday* and my hair would be tidier. Unless it was a film about people with messy hair overcoming adversity. I'd probably have to end up with some kind of a love interest as well and that's not going to happen because nobody wants a girl with messy hair.
* I stayed at a friend's house, I'm not just unclean. Not deliberately.

I think it'll be ok, you know. I went to this performance poetry thing the other week which sounds pretentious but was actually good and funny and I thought, hmm. I could do that.
And now? Is my chance. I will write words, like I do here except perhaps with more syllables and less reliance on Random Capital Letters, and then put them to music and do a few exciting things with my voice and that'll be ok, right? Because you see some real shit live music around and I can contribute to that, right?

OR MAYBE I'll just wear a short skirt and a low cut top. No, no, far too Mariah Carey.

This is actually funny, isn't it? Tell me this isn't as bad as all that.

Holy fucking fuck. Anyone got any tips? A spare song kicking around that I can rip off?A hideaway in Mexico I can sneak off to for a couple of weeks? A hairbrush? ANYTHING?