Monday, October 17, 2005

File under: Things that have been said many, many times before and far more elegantly.

There are a few things I would just like to have a quick word about.

I really hope at this point that my parents don't read this - I suspect they do. If you're reading, either of you two, please do me a favour and stop now. You don't have to, of course. This is in the public domain so you, like everyone else, are free to read. I would, however, appreciate it if you didn't.

Go on, bugger off.


I want to talk about men, relationships and things like that. Confusing things. Things that I cannot work out and suspect I won't be able to until I am all old and grey and I suddenly understand it all with dazzling clarity one morning at about 11.15 during This Morning, but won't be able to find a pen and will get distracted by a nice cup of tea and a Hobnob and promptly forget what it was. Or something.

I don't understand people's reactions to me and I CERTAINLY don't understand my own reactions to other people. I don't understand men. At this juncture I would like to say that I am not talking about anyone specifically, there is nobody to whom I am covertly referring. Seriously.
It's just that sometimes I feel connections with people, with men, and I can't tell whether they feel it. Sometimes people feel a connection with me that I cannot feel at ALL. Last week, at this gig I did, there was this guy. He was a singer too and he had an incredible voice. We sang 'Ain't No Sunshine' together, and then talked for a while, then I went back to stay at my friend's house. By the time we got back to her house I was shattered, and I had actually spent the last half hour, whilst talking to this guy, trying to stop yawning and resist the urge to plump up the luxurious velvet cushions and fall face first into them and sleep like the Sleeping Champion 2005 on sedatives. But this guy, call him M, sent me a text (I don't remember giving my number) (I'd had ONE glass of wine so it wasn't drunken amnesia) saying how much he felt a connection, how special he thought our connection was, and things like that. Lovely things, but a touch confusing, because I think all I was doing was nodding and agreeing with him, whilst making 'let's get out of here please because I think my consiousness needs to pop out for a while' motions at my friend.
So, yeah confusing. And THEN I got a series of texts from him, the last one being bordering on the angry, about my refusal to see a potential relationship and how that made me a horrible person. Or something. To which my reaction was something along the lines of "er... wha..?".

I am fed up of all of this bollocks. Of being hurt and of hurting people. I have hurt people on the past and I HATE it. I am truly sorry for it. People have hurt me and I am not a massive fan of that either, to be honest. I have an inkling that I'm not the first one to say this, right, but why does it have to be so fucking complicated? It doesn't seem very fair, really. And it's nice to be fair about things.

You know?

(Also, FYI, my foot is now swollen and very painful but I am scared of doctors so I'm still trying to walk it off because, it turns out, I am a complete idiot.)


Blogger Dancinfairy said...

Seriously? That guy is not normal. It was brave of him to text and say nice things but if you aren't interested then he should just back off and leave you alone. How can it be a potential relationship if you don't feel the same way? He should be happy that you were honest with him - that does not make you a horrible person. My verdict - bit of a nutter!

I am also in that place where I am just fed up of all the bollocks that is associated with men and dating and love. I have no answers but I personally have decided to just give up for a while and concentrate on me.

11:23 am

Anonymous Paul said...

Can I say, on behalf of men? That we are all twats.

Sorry chaps, don't want to be a traitor, but it's probably true.

Oh, except No1Hypocrite. He seems quite nice. But maybe he's a secret psycho. It's always the quiet ones.

Shut up Paul.

11:39 am

Anonymous Jenny said...

Well... Even when you have it all sorted out as to the one you want to be with, it doesn't really get easier (at least in my experience). Okay, maybe it gets a little easier as you get used to your loved one's own individual brand of insanity, but there will still be disconnects. You just have to hope you eventually connect again.

I have no idea where I'm going with this. Was going to say something about M, but dancinfairy and Paul seemed to cover it quite well...

3:24 pm

Anonymous Angela said...

Yikes, a bit creepy to get all pissed off because a girl you've only talked to once doesn't feel that "connection". Sounds a bit stalkerish to me!

And the funny thing is, we go through all this drama--the rollercoaster of relationships and such, then you finally find a nice man and settle down, and then 3 years down the road all you want is to have that drama and excitement again. Not that I'm speaking from experience of anything...

3:57 pm

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Now I'm not one to solicit unsolicited advice, but I do have one thing to say.

To be completely happy with someone else, you first have to be completely happy with yourself. Perhaps giving up on finding someone is the best thing you could do; Love will find you when it is good and ready. I gave up on finding someone for a long while, and lo and behold I found the girl that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Having a good relationship is all about timing. Just wait for it. Someone as great as you deserves the best.

P.S. Thanks for the compliment, Paul. I am quiet and nice, and it just so happens that I got over my "psychokiller" complex a few years ago. So I guess that makes me one of the "good guys". My girlfriend would agree with me on that.

8:09 pm

Anonymous impish little sister said...

lots of love from paris... totally unuseful comment but thats as it will be.


ps. what is this test of having to decipher strange letters about? is it to stop you writing silly things when drunk, or is it just me that finds it difficult all the time??! or am i always drunk.. (anwsered my own question as always..) on second thoughts, its not such a bad thing, maybe i just buy that test for text messages on my phone...

12:10 am

Blogger Doug said...

I'm with dancinfairy. Although, men are generally easier to figure out. A typical man really only wants one thing. YOu all know what that is too, so don't pretend you don't. What's funny, is when a man isn't looking for that and meets a girl he likes, all he gets is let's be friends after the 5th date. What the hell am I doing wrong?

3:16 am

Blogger Swedish Girl said...

Ahh, I feel called upon to share my expertise.

See, I don't think it's mysterious at all that this man felt a connection with you when you were too tired to speak. That's WHY he felt a connection. All that lovely, seductive shut-up-and-listen that none of us can resist.

I had a similar experience with a guy wearing a psychedlic t-shirt once. It was a twirly motif that completely hypnotised me while he shared his views on... what exactly? Don't know, but when we parted he wanted to meet up again because I was such a good listener who really GOT him.

1:06 pm


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