Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Various Things Of Little To No Interest

A Few Of The Ways In Which I Have Made A Cock Of Myself In The Last Twenty-Four Hours:

This morning, on my way to the train station.
When I slipped over on my (admittedly impractical) heels and grazed my knee, laddering my tights in the process. I was back on my feet with the type of startled rapidity that only happens when one stacks it dramatically in a public place. Blushingly brushing aside the amused concern of the onlookers, I marched off quickly as if to demonstrate that, usually, I am capable of moving from one place to another without making a complete cocking spectacle of myself.

Yesterday, at Temping.
A man I had spoken to a few times, and who just happens to be rather attractive, smiled twinklingly at me from across the office. Instead of smiling elegantly and demurely back, I grinned boisterously and did an exaggerated double thumbs-up sign. I am a cock.

Just Now.
When I told someone I had only just met that I fell over this morning on the way to the station and that's why my tights are laddered a bit, look just here on my knee, just in case you were wondering. She quite palpably didn't care and had by no means been wondering, and therefore thought (and some might say fairly accurately) that I was a bit of a cock. I trailed off and probably cracked some terrible joke, before skulking off to sullenly pick at the scab forming on my knee.


A lady just now said "Ooh, you're a singer? Have you been on That X-Factor then?" before following it up magnificently by asking "So does anyone else say you're a singer? Or is it just you? Ha ha ha! You wouldn't want to face That Simon Cowell now, would you? Ha ha ha!"
I ha-ha-ed politely back at her before making a swift exit, during which you will be pleased to find out that I maintainted an almost wholly upright position.


I still have not lost my phone again! It has been more than two weeks. I am improving. Perhaps I am finally growing up.


As a direct result of writing the above statement I am almost certain to lose my phone within the space of the next three hours. How annoying. Brace yourselves for the inevitable post of phone-related panic, despair and self-loathing.


Blogger Dancinfairy said...

You are so funny. The idea of the double thumbs up had me in stitches. You are not a cock, you are lovely.

9:44 pm

Anonymous Planethalder said...

Oh I love that double thumbs up!

7:57 am

Blogger Ys said...

Aww, I shouldn't laugh but you make it all sound so funny :)

12:18 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

productive day then! glad to hear its not just me who does cheesey grins etc back at people, i seem to accidently do things like that, and in photos too its some kind of cherie blair/wallace and grommet smile reflex.

hope your knee is ok?

11:16 pm

Blogger Neal said...

If you had done the double thumbs up right after eating it on the way to the train station, I think one would have canceled the other out.

2:13 am

Blogger Léonie said...

Dancinfairy - Oh, no no, I am a cock. All I can hope is that I find a network of caring, supportive people (who are also cocks) so that I can have a reasonably happy life.

Planethalder - I'm glad you love it. People always bang on about how our opposable thumbs denote status and, like, Darwinian authority and stuff, but actually all it gives us is the capacity to humiliate ourselves in front of attractive men. That is science fact.

Ys - Laugh away, my friend. I did (through my tears).

MT - Oh, my knee is fine, thanks. I just feel a bit like a seven year old who has fallen over in the playground after a particularly rambunctious game of British Bulldog.

Neal - Hmm. Cancelled out or compounded it? I will take your advice, though, and next time I fall over in public will leap up dramatically and do the double thumbs up, perhaps accompanied by an enthusiatic "ta DA!".

10:51 am

Blogger Curly said...

I give people the thumbs up all the time in the most inappropriate circumstances. I've started doing rock-horns instead to vary it a little. I think I qualify as a co-cock because of that.

12:35 pm

Anonymous JFM said...

Hahaha! You are not a cock. You are, however, marvellously funny. The double thumbs-up thing though - wtf?

12:35 pm

Blogger Will said...

"You're a bit of a dick sometimes, aren't you?"
"We're all a bit of a dick. It's the human condition."



7:12 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

That thumbs up thing is very Mentos and cute shiny grinning men love it I hear. And if that smiley boy doesn't come running, you can always start auditioning for commercials. Or maybe Simon Cowell. :)

9:15 pm


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