Friday, August 26, 2005

A series of things that you couldn't relate to each other even if you tried really really hard.

I met up with Euan last night, to dicuss my up and coming website which will be called, in a startling display of ingenuity,
I know. Who'd have guessed.
It's going to have pictures and a diary and some clips of me singing.
I'm so excited, because Euan is very clever and knows about all computers and shit, so will be the best person for the job. I did a lot of wild gesturing (I gesture more the drunker I get - it's really very endearing) and explaining things about how I want it to like, FEEL, and (more gesturing, ignore man who is shouting something about a spilt pint, he should be more careful) how I want people to UNDERSTAND me (give woman next to me a black eye on the word 'understand', well, it's art so shut the fuck up and stop whingeing) and, more importantly (the gesturing stops as I say what I actually mean), give me loads of money to sing my heart out on huge stages to thousands of roaring fans for the rest of my days.

The website will be blue.

I overheard a conversation in the toilets of a pub the other day that went a bit like this:

Blonde girl 1: ... yeah, I mean, she was REALLY pissed off.
Blonde girl 2: I'm not surprised! Can you imagine? (shakes head in disbelief) That's terrible.
BG1: God, I know. I think she's going to sue. I mean, she SHOULD sue. I'd sue.
BG2: So would I! Oh God. Yeah, if I had a leg lengthening operation and they did one leg longer than the other, I'd DEFINITELY sue.
BG1: (Nods head knowingly)
Both: (continue to apply lipstick in contemplative silence)

Me: Wha...?

Didn't know they did that. I am clearly very sheltered and unadventurous with my plastic surgery.

I saw a wasp on my windowsill in my bedroom the other day. It was in the last throes of life, twitching and convulsing in a wasp-y manner. I could see it mentally going over it's will ("I hereby bequeath all my evil and scariness to my son, Waspy McMeanbastard..").
Basically, it wouldn't have been able to hurt me.
I picked up the heaviest thing I had to hand (which, interestingly, was my barely opened copy of "Ulysses Annotated") and approached the wasp. I thought that if I could kill this wasp I might be cured of my phobia.
I got about a metre away from the near-dead Incarnation of All Evil, freaked out and ran away screaming like a girl. I am a loser.

What else to write about?

Tonight I'm going to go hang out on the South Bank. And then tomorrow I'm going to see my friend Mike in this (something's up with Blogger and it means I can't do links in the text):
Then it's the Notting Hill Carnival this weekend as well.
Oh, and we have a Bank Holiday on Monday.
This is a Good Thing.

I am going to tell you about my very least favourite words in the whole of the English language.
At the number one spot: Egg
Also highly rated: Genitals
Also: Hog, Blog, Higgins.

The common factor in all these words is the letter 'G'.

Does anyone have any theories as to why I don't like the letter G?

I can't fathom it, I really can't.


Anonymous Euan said...

At the request of Léonie, the website will be the colour of a "lion - but blue" or a "tiger, but blue, and with less stripes".

This was towards the end of the evening.

1:38 pm

Blogger Doug said...

Hey, I have a "G" in my name. I'm offended. Actually, no, I'm not offended. But beware of the cyber picket line protesting the abuse of the letter "G".

2:31 pm

Blogger Bug said...

I'm disturbed that you don't like your own last name (although it is also the last name of a REALLY ANNOYING Australian singer so hmm). But Egg is my sister's nickname, so feel free to hate that name

You must admit, though, GOOGLE is a good fun word. A vaguely overrated website, but a fun word

3:11 pm

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

I can't fathom why you don't like the letter "G". I've never heard of anyone having feelings for specific letters of the alphabet, hateful or otherwise.

And don't take this personally, but I think you might be a little bit more funny when you are mildly chemically or alcoholically altered.

4:08 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

It's strange, no.1, because I always FEEL funnier when I'm drunk. And cooler. And prettier. And I can run really fast.

4:26 pm

Anonymous Dawn said...

I recommend using a slightly less heavy book next time, so you can half-throw half-drop it onto the wasp from afar. (I'd say that's what I'd do, but in all honesty I'd scream for my boyfriend or one of the cats to dispose of it for me.)

4:50 pm

Blogger JB said...

It’s nice to know that "Ulysses" is good for something other than mucking up a grad student’s last semester and forcing her to complete the monster paper in the summer when she should be outside swimming and drinking like everyone else.

Um, sorry. I had a bad run-in with Joyce.

But I wanted to say this: “G” is a bad mother-fucker-letter. Think about it: goat, gambler, ghost, gobbler, ghoul, gore, gag, geek, grout, grunt, guilt, gurgle, gutter, guffaw, grave, gravity, gray, greed, gritty, groin, gruel, and gypsy moth.

Uh, actually, that last one has more to do with my great fear of all night flutterers. But, my point is that “G” does begin a lot of “G”ross words!

4:12 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

war and peace is very good for pressing flowers in..

5:41 pm

Blogger Tim said...

Did you ever have a bad experience, like seeing someone die while watching an episode of Sesame Street, brought to you by the letter "G"?

I don't think they ever killed anyone ON Sesame Street (although I'd really like to see someone take an axe to Elmo), but maybe you were watching it and then you're identical twin, whom you've since blocked out of your memory, suddenly bit into an electrical cord and fried.

10:44 pm

Blogger Bug said...

Ok, it might only be a title page, but looks cool!

And it DOES look like a lion, but blue. Boys just don't understand girl logic, do they?

2:07 pm

Blogger Doug said...

I had a really sexiest comment in rebuttal to bug, but thought someone would hunt me down and kill me.

And Tim, how could you NOT remember the guy who owned the store dying. They had this whole episode about it. Maybe the letter of the day was "G" for graveyard or something.

5:36 pm

Blogger Bug said...

I suspect your comeback was something along the lines of "girls are NEVER logical", am I right? :)

1:52 pm

Blogger Doug said...

Bug, I think that about sums it up.

2:16 pm


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