Friday, September 30, 2005

After This I Will Stop Mentioning The Boots. I Promise.

The boots, they are mine. Pippa came with me and we went to Carnaby Street, and I ran up to the sales person and, grabbing him by the shoulders and staring deep into his frightened eyes, demanded the boots my heart had been hankering after. After a whip-round and a couple of calls they produced some horse tranquilizers and sat me down on the leather seats-of-trying-on. Then he emerged from the basement, holding a velvet, diamond-studded cushion. Upon which were The Boots, sitting proudly, waiting to be united with their owner. There were gasps all around as I slid them onto my feet, and as I took a couple of steps the hush that had descended turned into exclamations of joy and rapturous applause.

No, what really happened was that Pippa and I went to Office on Carnaby Street, sweated and pushed our way through the Late Night Shoppers (a mean and viscious bunch), waited for about half an hour for one of the snooty sales people to make eye contact, waited another half an hour for him to slouch off to find my boots, I tried them on, we nodded reverently, I handed over some cash and we left.

But it was good and HOLY CRAP but they are lovely.


You don't care about that! They're just boots, you cry! Quite right. Instead I want to talk about chat up lines.

As a girl, is it acceptable to use chat up lines? Or even as a man?
My take on it is that, as long as you're doing it in an ironic way, it's ok. However, I must confess that I have used the odd chat up line, in a way that is possibly not so much with the ironic.
Oh God. I am so embarrassing.

Chat Up Lines I Have Used Maybe:

1. So, what's a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?
DEFINITELY ironic. This worked. I think he laughed, and after a bit asked me whether I came here often. It became something that is very useful when trying to chat someone up: A Joke.
2. Seriously, if you don't stop saying that, I'm going to have to kiss you.
Well, not so much of a chat up line, but definitely a line. I think I have used this twice. When I was younger. It worked both times. With this one it is important to only say it in appropriate situations. Not one for use at customs, for example.
3. So, where's your girlfriend tonight? What? You don't have a girlfriend? Whyever not?
(hangs head) And you wonder why I get through so many boyfriends. (What? You didn't? It was obvious?Oh.) I cannot believe I have said this. But I have. I think I ran away shortly after the words escaped my lips. So, no, this one was not successful.

I don't think I have used any more really obvious ones. One of the very best ones I have heard is when some guy came up to my friend and said:
"Hi! Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
As I recall she declined.

So my question is this: Have you ever used a chat up line? Did it work? Tell me your stories.

Oh please have stories. I know I am brazen, but it will be alright if you are, too.

(laughs flirtatiously and tosses hair)


Blogger Adrian said...

See girls don't need chat up lines. Because you're girls. All you need is to kind of be there. It's a bit like that old joke, "How do you turn a man on? Show up naked, bring beer". I'm pretty sure whatever you said would get a man chatting.

Where as us guys have it harder. To talk to a girl you need an opening or line. But half the time the line sounds like a line, and you're dead in the water. The ironic approach can be good, unless the girl thinks you're serious in which case - dead in the water.

The "nice shoes, wanna fuck" line was quite famous at my university amongst us engineers. One of my friends this actually worked for a few times.

Another friend of mine had the line "What winks and fucks like a tiger? [wink, wink]", Which he claimed did work, but never when he was out with us.

My dad was once chatting up a girl, (pre him meeting my mom) and a guy showed up and said "I have a car, want to go" and off she went. I can't complain cause otherwise my dad may have not met my mom.

Myself I've never quite managed to use any memorable line beyond something dull like "What are you drinking?" You have to have a certain flair to pull of a line without coming across like a dork. Although I come across like a dork anyway I might as well try them

Wow that's a lot of waffle. Apologies.

3:19 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the states we call it a 'pick up line' but I like 'chat up line' MUCH better. I don't have any, BTW.

4:16 pm

Anonymous dearshell said...

I've never used any pick up (or chat up) lines myself, however, the worst one someone said to me once was, "You're not 'all that', but you're cute enough in your own way." Needless to say I wasn't impressed.

4:34 pm

Blogger C said...

The lines I’ve used are 'what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this' and 'do you come here often' – very mundane, but I never really use chat up lines.

I have to confess that when I went to New York last year (visiting a working friend out there) I didn’t use any chat up lines, instead I embellished on my occupation (we made it a little game for the holiday).

I was working as a barrister’s clerk at the time, but decided that it was a boring job to talk about. We were in quite a pretentious little bar so I decided that my new job title for the night would be... (Drum role please)... barrister extraordinaire. If you're thinking 'shame on you for being dishonest' my answer has to be that ‘I was on holiday and it was only a laugh miss, honest’.

I really got into character and started going into one about being well thought of in my profession so early in my career and that I’ve already been offered my red robes (which to my knowledge meant that I’d be know as a silk). I swapped a cockney accent for a Roger Moore impersonation. I'd only been a barrister's clerk for 6 months but now I was a proper tough-talking-hard-hitting barrister. This is what alcohol does to you!

Anyway, the girls I struck this conversation up with turned out to be paralegals and started to probe me about it. The cracks began to show. I didn't even say goodbye, I just walked away in mid-conversation. It was 4am and I was out of it.

I’ve totally gone off the topic, I’m sorry. But to answer your question, I’ve used basic chat up lines before, but this onetime (at band camp) I made a fool of myself. And no, it didn’t work.

But I don't do those childish things anymore.

That’s all for my drunken confessions.

I agree with what Adrian said.


6:10 pm

Blogger Doug said...

I have to agree with adrian. A girl doesn't need a pick up line. She needs to be dressed in almost nothing and just hang on us. Trust me, we will notice. Since I have just moved into the world of dating, I have no pick up lines to tell. Although, speaking of boots, I have a tendancy to notice shoes for some reason. Women seem to respond to this.

6:13 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

more of up conversation, than just a line. with the (soon to be ex) work boy, there may have been some discussion about opening a strip club (as a work place without children in it) and there might have been some (flirty?) convincing of me to work there. bit of an odd compliment, but it still counts

7:18 pm

Anonymous Jenny said...

"Hi" or if it's almost closing time "Do you want to buy me breakfast?" seemed to always work, but then I'm cute (at least I was, when I was dating). ;)

8:20 pm

Blogger RadiantSky said...

A good friend of mine used to use the line, "I lost my phone number, can I have yours?" I think women generally just laughed at him and walked away. Recently at a club a guy tried the pity angle on me. "I've lived in this city for two years and I don't know anyone. Seriously. I sit at home with all my stuffed animals. Can I get your number?" It was really funny, and he got a hug, but he didn't get my number. ;)

8:44 pm

Blogger Bug said...

I was out a few weeks back and lost my friends SOMEwhere in the club. I wandered up to the RnB floor to see if they were up there and was standing with my hands on my hips, looking around, when a cute (but young. But cute!) boy came up to me and said, "have you lost your friends?"

When I said that I had, he said "would you like my phone number so that if you don't find them, you've still got someone to talk to?". I was grumpy with my friends so I smiled and said no, but thinking back on it, like, FIVE MINUTES later, I was kicking myself. I thought it was a cute line. And not remotely sleazy the way he delivered it

*sigh* I love lines, they're funny (if done properly)

(and honey? I have SO many brazen stories but they're long and complicated so :P not telling you. No really, stop crying, it's embarrassing)

10:31 am

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

I've never used a chat-up line before, at least when I was trying to meet someone.

My girlfriend and I had been dating for just about a week, but we still hadn't held hands or anything. So one night, while we were watching a movie, I asked "Could I see your hand for a second?" And I placed it in mine. "Just wanted to see if it fits. Which it does, perfectly."

It produced a smile and a warm-fuzzy feeling. I'd say it worked rather well.

8:06 pm


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