Wednesday, March 01, 2006

My brains are made of air and snow.

So, an Englishman, a Irishman and a Scotsman are having a chat about their families.

The Englishman says "I have a son. He was born on St George's day, so we called him George."

"Ah" says the Scotsman. "That's interesting, because I have a son, too. Born on St Andrew's day, so we called him Andrew."

"I have a son too!" exclaims the Irishman. "Come here, Pancake!"

******

So, I was walking along the street the other day, right, and there's this guy. He's standing there and the back of his coat is jumping up and down wildly, and people are giving him money for it! I went up to him and asked him what was going on. He looked at me and said "Oh, leave me alone. It's my livelihood!"

*******

Just a couple of jokes. You know, to lighten the tone.

Also I felt that, if this blog is to be a true representation of my real-life personality, the omission of my incessant joke telling is a gaping one.

I haven't really got much to impart today.

In London today: the sky is blue and it has been snowing.

*******

What did the nought say to the eight?
Nice belt.

*******

Nope. I have nothing.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Dan said...

You forgot to say...

Happy St David's Day everyone!

For those of you who know not what this may be, it a mythical day, when people pin daffodils and leeks to their chests, eat Welsh cakes, sing songs, and generally celebrate the fact that they are Welsh and not English.

5:33 pm

 
Blogger monkey typist said...

a customer told me this today:

an irishman went to the hospital, both of his ears were burnt. the doctor asked what happened, he said "i was ironing and the phone rang" dr said- but that doesnt explain the other ear. "oh, i tried to call them back.."

i liked the hood joke

7:03 pm

 
Blogger Miss Devylish said...

I don't get the coat joke.. hm.. English thing?

Two guys went out for a drink after work. The first one says to the second, "I made the hugest Freudien slip today." The second says, "Oh wow, I did too! What'd you do?" The first one says, "Well I was going to the travel agency to pick up my plane tix to Pittsburgh and there's this very buxom woman behind the counter and instead of saying 'I'm here to pick up my plant tix to Pittsburgh', I said, 'I'm here to pick up my plane tix to Tittsburgh. Ugh. I was so embarrassed." And then he asks his friend, "So what'd you do?" The second guy says, "Well, I was sitting across the table from my wife at breakfast this morning and instead of saying 'Honey could you please pass the sugar?', I said, 'You fuckin' bitch, you've ruined my life.'

Ba dum bum! My favorite joke ever..

1:54 am

 
Blogger Mouldy said...

Ahhhh! Joke's are guaranteed to make you feel better and those certainly hit the humour spot.

My favourite joke is;

- "She's a dark horse, isn't she?"
- "Who?"
- "Black Beauty!"

Boom boom!

11:32 am

 
Blogger Adz said...

need more jokes, this week is shit, they make me smile

more jokes please!

11:38 am

 
Blogger Léonie said...

Dan - Happy St David's Day for yesterday! Hope you filled yourself up on daffodils and pinned lots of Welsh cakes to your chest.

You notice how I am choosing not to point out that you were born and raised in Belgium? I am very nice, today.

Monkey - Good one.

Another Irish joke for you:

An Englishman, an Irishman and Scotsman are walking along one day, when a magical genie appears! "Hello!" says the magical genie. "I am a magical genie!"

They are, understandably, somewhat surprised. Pleased, though.

"Regard this slide!" proclaims the genie. They look, and there is a slide! "When you slide down this slide" he continues, magestically "you must call out something that you want most in the world, and when you reach the bottom you will land in as much of it as you can possibly imagine!"

The Englishman rushes up the ladder and slides down. "GOLD!" he calls out, and just as the genie promised, he lands in a great big pile of gold. The Scotsman hurries for his go. "SILVER!" he cries, and sure enough, he lands in silver!

The Irishman climbs up the steps and positions himself at the top of the slide. As he begins to slide down he has a huge smile on his face, and joyously sings out:
"WEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Miss D - The do you have the word 'hood' in the US? To mean the bit on the back of your coat that you put over your head? Like on a parka. Well the joke is that it is his 'lively hood', but also his 'livelihood'.
Also, good Freud joke!

Mouldy - I LOVE that Black Beauty joke and shall say it six times a day until I get bored or someone kills me. I suspect the latter will happen first.

MORE JOKES, PLEASE!

11:45 am

 
Blogger Mouldy said...

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London.
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishmen are desperate to get in but
they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover. Tucks it under his arm and
walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland" he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over
his shoulder. "Pocklington-Smythe, England" he says, "Pole vault" and
in he walks.

The Irishman looks round and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks
it under his arm, "O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing"

12:23 pm

 
Blogger Dancinfairy said...

My favourite:

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It drove down the road and turned into a field!

I never said it was good!

2:01 pm

 
Blogger Mouldy said...

Another one;

- "He's on his way to a break down!"
- "Who?"
- "The AA Man!"

OR

- "I'm so happy they're back together after all the shit that's been between them!"
- "Who?"
- "My butt cheeks!"

Come here! There's more! Check out my post for more hilarity!

3:42 pm

 
Blogger Shining Wit said...

An Englishman, an irishman and a Scotsman walk in to a bar...

The Barman says

"What's this?... Some kind of joke?"

5:24 pm

 

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