Wednesday, June 07, 2006

To sum up: Poor Me.

I am in a horrible mood today. In an oh-my-god-everthing-is-horrible-I-hate-myself-I-want-to-die sort of a way. I think because it's that sort of time, you know, monthwise. It's hit me really hard.

I've been taking Evening Primose Oil for ages in hopes that these feelings would stay back. I want to scream and cry and tear my skin off, and then fall asleep. The thing is that my life is actually really good at the moment, and I have nothing to complain about. Actually nothing. I can feel tears rising in my throat and I cannot think of a reason to cry. It's the strangest feeling.

I am worrying about going away next month and feeling fat in my bikini. The truth of it is, though, that I am not fat, and guarantee that once I'm there I won't care what I look like, I'll be with my friends. I'm certainly not trying to impress anyone. It's just that I would like to be all toned and tanned.

(If I REALLY wanted to be all toned and tanned I suspect I would do things like go to gyms and lie on sunbeds, but we all know that the real ideal is to be toned and tanned WITHOUT HAVING TO BOTHER. It's the dream.)

I am worrying about money. Or, to be more specific, the lack thereof. Being this poor is starting to really, really irritate the motherfucking fuck out of me. I didn't need to swear then, really, but I had to. Partly for emphasis, and partly because deep down I do think it makes me cool.

I wonder if I could sell some of my body fat? Perhaps to a recovering anorexic. I could certainly auction off a sizeable proportion of my breasts and nobody would notice the difference. I could sell half of each, maybe. To some flat-chested broad who needs to snag a footballer husband, and for whom the multi-tone highlights, San Tropez glow and seventeen-inch heels just aren't enough.

It's an option. In this eBay-propelled world I think it's a very real possibility. I shall Google it at once.

I feel better having written this drivel. It's funny how much it really does help. Also blogging must be quite good for calorie-burning, right? Because of all the intellectual content and inappropriate jokes about anorexia.

I'm going to go and do some sit-ups and type "I want to sell my breasts' into Google.


Blogger treespotter said...

try ebay. usually you get better price

2:59 pm

Blogger Adz said...

Apart from not fitting in my bikini (i have tried and tried) I am exactly the same mood at the moment!

\I hope you feel happier soon - holidays work miracles sometimes!

9:03 am

Anonymous Adrian said...

Yeah try eBay it's great (disclaimer, I now work for eBay so I might be biased).

As for the rest ... sometimes life just is arse. But it gets better. I promise. Money back guarantee. Accept no imitations.

9:40 am

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

I just started taking evening primrose 2 weeks ago too but I only heard it was an anti-inflammatory so like water gain and swelling of the breastages.. it was good for that icky stuff. but I don't think it's really doing much for me and I'm taking 5 a day - 2 in the am, one after lunch, and 2 at night. Let me know if you see a diff.

Other than that, I'm sorry you're feeling yucky, but I did like your idea of selling body fat. Man.. I wish there was a safe way to do that! Then we could all feel better about ourselves.

1:43 am


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