Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Despite Not Actually Being A Man

I appear to have come down with the most serious case of the man-colds. I am teary-nosed to the extreme and coughing like an over-dramatic lawnmower (in case of this simile not making sense, please consult: the fact that I am very ill) and feeling really rather sorry for myself. Nothing is working to make me feel better. Not whining, not watching Charmed, not eating cheese. Nothing, and now I am completely out of solutions.

I have taken to woefully contructing new (if somewhat beat-based) pieces of music on my Fancy Music Software, then throwing tantrums when they do not sound anything like the new Amy Winehouse album. My tantrums basically consist of me putting my head in my hands, sniffling energetically then shrugging and going to make myself a cup of tea. Because, if I'm honest, I know I'm being silly and irrational. Also because, if I'm being even more honest, there's nobody around to witness my tantrum and I'm not really sure it's worth the energy.

What I would really like to do is go running, because I feel all cabin-feverish, but I cannot. For fear of making the man-cold worse and my voice even less able to do useful things like talk on the phone, laugh out loud at my new book and sing fantastic (if somewhat beat-based) new songs. Also, unlike everyone else in the world, I actually lost five pounds (of the weight variety) over Christmas, and really want to avoid putting them back on again. Alas, I am confined to not running and eating medicinal cheese (which is like normal cheese, except there is more of it) so I might just have to.

In spite of all those things, I am enjoying working from my own little studio I have here. I am off to Eastbourne on Sunday to get back into the real studio, but I love being able to take time and construct new (if somewhat beat-based) songs at my own pace, so that I can take them to be recorded and mixed properly at a later date. I feel so much happier than I did just before Christmas. Somehow I think that going away over New Year in a big but still somehow close-knit group was exactly what I needed in order to be able to move on from certain things and gain perspective on others.

January, of course, is widely accepted as being an absolutely rubbish month, and I suspect this is largely due to the fact that pretty much the whole of it is comprised of people trying surreptitiously to wipe their noses on their sleeves because they are too broke after the whole Christmas/New Year debacle to afford tissues. However, I have decided that January shall be good. I want to have fun. I want to find one of the few men in London who still has some money (and isn't ugly/married/gay) and get him to take me out on a fancy date. I will, of course, have to get over my cold first. I don't want to drip snot into the Champagne.

I will write lots of songs, some of them beat-based, and give a big fuck you to those people who have told me I should have kept the office job. I will only think it, though, in case they say something mean back. I am not that cool.


First, though, I must stop being Dreadfully Sick, and I must also name the Pony.

The only thing I could think of by myself is Pepperoni the Pony, and that just seems a bit ominous, really. And while I so like the names suggested in the comments, I somehow felt there must be something more befitting.

So I had a think about what I love, apart from Magical Ponies, Charmed and singing songs.

Well, that would just be dirty.

Then I decided.

Welcome to my life, little Sparkle the Pony. You are indeed magical.

12 Comments:

Anonymous andre said...

'snot in the Champagne'

Oh how classy you are.

11:23 pm

 
Anonymous Richard said...

I bet what you have is a real cold, not just a mere Man Cold. Because women never, ever, complain needlessly. And I hope that with enough lemsips and the like you're back singing the joys of Spring soon (Spring already having started...)

Sparkle the Magical Pony sounds like a good name.

11:52 pm

 
Anonymous Mr Angry said...

Let us be clear here. You do not have man-flu.

If you did, it would have killed you to death by now. What with you being a woman and everything. They teach you this on the first day of Medical School, right after the lesson on how to use those chest-electrocutor things (I was late and missed the proper name for them).

"Merlot the Magic Pony" has a certain ring to it I think?

I must go now, as I have to try and think of inventive ways to spend all of my superfluous January cash...

12:19 am

 
Blogger Léonie said...

Andre - I know. My teachers at the finishing school would be so proud.

Richard - I have not had even one lemsip. Camomile tea and vitamins, which are not the same. I shall attempt to sing the joys of Spring just as soon as I know what they are...

Mr A - Actually I think you're right. About the man-flu. Also I think that chest-electrocutor is the right name for those things, as long as you shout CLEAR just before you use them it doesn't matter anyway.

Merlot is clearly a boy's name.

Superfluous cash, you say?
*smiles prettily, then sneezes*

9:38 am

 
Blogger Betty said...

Berocca is the elixir of life.

Maybe Claudia the pony could magic some up for you.

9:51 am

 
Blogger Léonie said...

Betty - I have decided that Sparkle is her stage name, and Claudia is the name she uses day-to-day.

She agrees and is working on a Berocca spell (although she can't currently think of anything that rhymes with Berocca).

11:02 am

 
Anonymous adrian said...

Actually I quite like "Merlot the Magic Pony"

You could have a whole herd of them.

Chardonnay The Magic Pony.
CabSav The Magic Pony
PinotNoir The Magic Pony.

Hmm, maybe I had a little to much excess during the Christmas to new year break.

11:37 am

 
Anonymous andre said...

You went to finishing school?

5:25 pm

 
Blogger Jonathan said...

Hope you are feeling better soon. I am sure Sparkle will help speed your recovery.

8:14 pm

 
Blogger Clarissa said...

I think Sparkle the Pony was in an episode of Charmed!

8:16 pm

 
Blogger Miss Devylish said...

Ooh.. Sparkle is lovely!

And who the fuck is telling you that you should've kept your office job?! Oh girl.. send them to me.. I have some 'friends' I'd like them to meet.. or maybe you should feed them to your magical pony..

Hope you get better soon.. extra vitamin C - and if you guys have Airborne, seriously, I swear by it!

8:25 pm

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sparkle doesn't eat people.

Please supply lots of non-people based treats for Sparkle in her dressing room.

kind regards,

magic mouse

MAGICAL PONY MANAGEMENT

5:18 pm

 

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