Lifted

I wish somebody would come along and snap me the hell out of this good mood. There is all this cloying positivity floating around inside me, preventing me from feeling miserable, and it is most disconcerting. I do not feel at all like myself. Perhaps I am on drugs of some kind without being aware of it, or maybe someone pickpocketed me in a crowded train and slipped off with my drawstring bag of negative thoughts.

I had a marvellous weekend. On Friday Lily came to stay, and we spent the weekend relaxing, chatting and catching up. Drinking some, eating more and formulating grand plans to take over the world via the combined mediums of The Funny and The Beautiful. On Saturday we drove to a nearby town and sat in tea rooms. We chose a little table with a dainty tablecloth and a view of the cathedral and relished our delicious cream teas. As our conversation meandered this way and that, we began to discuss women we admired and those we loathed. It took me ages to think of someone I loathe, before finally deciding upon the Wicked Stepmother from Snow White. My reason for this choice is that she is the ultimate woman who hates other women. I quite like the evil women in stories most of the time, they are often powerful and somehow visionary, but the Wicked Stepmother only wants to kill Snow White because she herself is no longer pretty and young. Which is just silly behaviour and petty to the extreme. I have met a fair few women like that, they are instantly recognisable by their mean scowls and vindicitive expressions. Everyone must have come across a woman like that, and I think they should all be stopped.
As for a woman I admire, I chose Lily. Some might argue that I was just craftily trying to get her to pay for the cream tea, but I emphatically deny that. I admire her for her creativity and passion as an artist, and her warmth and wonderfulness as a friend. She is also funny, and hilarity that borders on sickness will always get a big thumbs up from me.

After I had single-handedly boosted her ego to the max and she had single-handedly not paid for my cream tea, we wandered along home and watched films whilst eating 'tapas' (meaning we got everything out of the fridge, put it on little plates and then ate it). I told her all about the projects I am getting immersed in, about my grand plans and wacky schemes, and she listened carefully before telling me I was fantastic and probably a genius.

On Sunday, after Lily had left to go back home to Up North, I went into London to the studio. We worked on Sunday evening and then got up and worked all day today. It is past one in the morning and I have just arrived back, exhausted but so excited with what we made. A new track, mixed, mastered and ready to go. It will be spun past many people from Radio 1 and Radio 2, loads of DJs and people who know stuff. I have been assured it will almost certainly get at least some airplay on one of those stations, although experience teaches me that nothing can be counted on until it actually happens.
This doesn't mean I won't allow myself to get excited about the potential of things, as that would be a really fucking boring way to live life, it just means I'll allow for the possibility of disappointment. I have been disappointed by many, many things (and people) before and got through it so I am absolutely sure I can do it again.

So it is Tuesday. Nearly two in the morning and my head is whirring with possibility. I am going to Paris on Thursday, and by this time tomorrow I will have already heard feedback on my new track. I have a hundred million things to get done before I get on the train to France, including more music stuff tomorrow evening. I feel in control, I have lost my sense of feeling squashed by fears and worries. I feel excited and happy, and I love it.

(Maybe you are reading this wishing I would not be so damned chipper. If this is the case I cordially invite you to review some of the archives, in which you will find more than a fair number of "oh fucking shitting hell I feel like shit" posts, if that's what you're after.)

Now I am going to force myself to get some sleep so that tomorrow I can continue to work towards my dream of spending every day for the rest of my life feeling as fulfilled as I have done in the last three.