Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Older and Wiser.

Yesterday I nearly murdered Blogger. It was my BIRTHDAY (did I perhaps mention?) and I WANTED TO POST but I couldn't. Or at least I could write the post but it wouldn't publish it.

As you can see, it did publish eventually, but yesterday I really didn't feel that 'eventually' was good enough. I felt let down and hurt and not a little bit angry.

This was the second bad thing to happen yesterday.

I was walking to the bus stop yesterday morning, in a daze, eyes fixed at a point somewhere in the middle distance just above the church with the huge neon cross with the words 'Jesus Saves' written on it, just minding my own birthday business. Suddenly a huge man loomed at me. His eyes were crazy-wild and my nostrils were assaulted with the overwhelming stench of urine. I stepped hastily aside to avoid him, but not before he grabbed my hip with a huge great dirty hand. I leapt aside as quickly as I could, stood in shock for a second and then turned around in fury, spluttering with horror at his retreating form. I cannot, I thought to myself, believe that I have just been grabbed by a tramp smelling of wee, before nine am on my fucking birthday.

Oh, the injustice. So when Blogger started playing up I was incensed. I stared at my computer in impotent rage for a good few hours before I concluded that perhaps I could go and talk to some real life people instead.

It might seem peculiar to some that, having just been molested by an incontinent hobo, all I wanted to do was talk about it on the Internet to elicit sympathy from people I have never met.

What an age we live in.

I am secretly quite relieved that it is no longer my birthday, as it had been my birthday for about a week and I was beginning to get a little fatigued.

I have things to think about, projects to plan and dreams to follow, and all that partying made me feel oddly guiltly. For relaxing and letting the world pass me by. It sounds strange, maybe, but I was consciously 'having a good time and relaxing' rather than in a way that made me feel relaxed in any way or, more accurately, in a way that I felt was productive, and it felt strange. I kept excusing myself on the grounds that birthday birthday blah blah whatever, but I am grateful now that I can get back to my daily task of feeling like I could be doing more and going faster. It is an exhausting state to be in, but it makes me do things and it won't let me give up or compromise excessively, and it is therefore something for which I am grateful.

I am going to Biarritz, France in the summer, to go surfing (ahem, in theory) with lots of my friends with whom I went on a weekend away a couple of months ago. They are all road tripping it from here on July 1st, but I have a gig that night so I am flying out the next day. I just booked my flight. Now I have to save up for a bikini and start worrying that I'll look fat in it. I am very excited (not about the fat-worry) (I'm actually not going to worry too much about that anyway) because I haven't had a holiday for about three years.

So, newly twenty-four years old I am facing my twenty-fifth year.

Dan wrote the following in my birthday card he gave me last night after I had called him up to talk about the injustices of the day:

Happy Birthday. Have a great year, and may it be full of wee-smelling tramps. And happiness.

Couldn't agree more.


Blogger Dancinfairy said...

Blogger is evil. You are great. Glad you had a good birthday (minus the wee smelling tramp of course).

You made me feel tired just talking about your normal state of mind. *sigh*

9:07 pm

Anonymous Adrian said...

Um how do you have an "impotent rage". surely all rage is potent. And even if all rage is not potent, I cannot visual yours being anything but potent double plus.

I thought you surfed (well you being people not you being you) in a wet suit not a bikini, unless you are in the blue crush movie?

10:48 pm

Anonymous Adrian said...

Oh, and are you going to tell us where the gig is? Do we get to come and support? Or is that too stalkerish? Will their be a reserved stalker area (surrounded by protectors, or protractors or something)

10:52 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

DF - Yes, Blogger is evil, but we mustn't say it too loudly otherwise Blogger will come and wreak revenge by littering our posts with horrible grammatical errors and love poems for Tom Cruise. Oh, and that thing you said about my state of mind? Is exactly what my therapist said. Have you spoken to her?

Adrian - My rage at that juncture was impotent because I couldn't do anything about stupid Blogger. Ohter than that, yes, my rage is always VERY potent. I need a bikini to go under the wetsuit, and also for the non-surfing bits. I was in Blue Crush, though.
I will certainly let you know where the gigs will be. You will have to stand in an area guarded by protractors, compasses, and those fold-up rulers that always break.

9:37 am

Anonymous Adrian said...

You know i read non surfing bits" all wrong and was wondering which bits go under a bikini but don't surf. I'm sorry, I'm beyond help.

Oh know, not the rulers. They scare me a little bit. Sometimes. And I could loose an eye with a compasses. Teachers always warned about that. "it's all fun and games until someone looses and eye" they said. Lucky no one ever did. Although Felix once hurt his ear but that's another story. Anyway I digress and waffel and really should be working. What I meant to say was "it'll be great to see your gig."

9:51 am

Blogger Ant said...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love Tom Cruise
And I think you do too...

9:59 am

Blogger hen said...

Happy belated stinking wino birthday.

Somehow I am sure all these things are connected in some cosmic way - Jesus, stinking winos, flights to Biarritz and an enfeebled blogger. It will all make sense one day.

1:26 pm

Blogger NF Girl said...


*big kiss*

Ooh. Is that a bit forward?

8:12 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

It really isn't a celebrated birthday until a stinky wino smelling of.. well.. wine and wee accosts you, right? You guys don't do that in the UK?! Never heard of it? It's a rite of passage in the US dear girl! Oh yes.. you're missing out.. err.. well.. not this birthday apparently! Welcome no-longer-un-wino'd-birthday virgin!

5:29 am


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