Floating and Waiting

I am just waiting for something now.

I am just hanging on, waiting for something. I am waiting to get my song, and then I will be pushing it as far as I can.

I am so focussed on this one thing that everything else seems irrelevant.

I am setting myself challenges. Writing a good biography for my website. Writing an article. Sorting out my finances. Thinking about how I am going to market my stuff. Thinking about what changes I am going to make and how I can make them in a practical way that means I won't be broke, but I will be fulfilled, even just in the short term.

I feel very mixed up, which is perhaps why I am not posting so much. I am confused and frustrated. Whenever I have felt this before it has always gone hand in hand with feeling depressed, having low-confidence and berating myself. At the moment, though, all those feelings are conspicuously absent. I feel like I am floating around. I feel distant from my everyday life. I can't post anything decent because I don't even know what I'm feeling. I'm not miserable, but I am not exactly content. I am ready, but ready for what I have no idea.

I think there are things to do and decisions to be made and I must make them. I have to find out what it is I am feeling so ready for. I'm not scared of it, not at all. I just want to do it. I want to do it all right now.

I am unbelievably frustrated with doing things I don't care about. I won't do it anymore. Soon I won't do it anymore.

In the meantime, I will float.