Thursday, October 05, 2006

Come Fly With Me, Fly!

I have just been told that the person who is replacing me at work is a former Miss Universe entrant and I have to sit next to her for some days to teach her the job.

Be prepared for some serious crises in confidence that week. Apparently she is very nice and intelligent, and luckily I am the sort of person who does not judge herself on the relative merits of the person standing next to her. Even if that person does happen to be a fucking supermodel.

I will be attempting to buoy myself with things like "once I told a really good joke" and "I am quite good at drawing horses", but all in all I will need to be told I am pretty once or twice that week.

This morning I nearly got run over twice. Once was my fault, the other was not and so I was justified in my exclamation of "what the fuck?" and a brief eye-rolling exchange with a bus driver. I sort of enjoyed the eye-rolling. Like one of us had tutted and said "bloody cyclists!" and the other had replied "oh I know, they think they own the bloody roads" and we'd both shaken our heads in mutual disgust and taken a sip of our pints.

I walked past a group of schoolgirls this morning (shortly before the attempted murder by the cyclist) and one of them said "oh, that girl smelled nice!". I'm not sure whether she would say that, although I had sprayed myself liberally with my Eau De Merde Du Chien (Dior) just moments before. It is nice to have effort appreciated.

Tonight is the table football night, and I will be spinning away like crazy. I know it's cheating, but it doesn't actually benefit me to spin, I just enjoy it, so I don't see how it can really be bad. Naughty, perhaps, but not sinful.

I just told Tom that my replacement was going to be a supermodel/Miss Universe and he said "I hadn't really decided to replace you but, oh, alright then." Then I drew him a small horse and he quickly remembered his priorities. He knows which side his bread is buttered. (I'm not sure which side that is, hopefully the upper side, but as long as he knows it's probably alright.)

I must go and sulk for a little while, and wait for people to get in touch with me and tell me that, while I am no Miss Universe, I could safely be nominated for Miss Making A Fuss Out Of Nothing (2006) and be certain to get in the top three.

9 Comments:

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

Ha she might be some Miss Universe entrant but maybe she came last? No? Bet she hasn't been in a uber special music video has she?

I think you are very pretty and extraordinarily good at drawing ponies.

I think you should draw us all a pony and post it on your site so everyone knows how fabulous you are!

12:18 pm

 
Anonymous impish little sister said...

i bet she never got to sing 3 songs in gangshow! miss.harpenden she ain't.

12:26 pm

 
Anonymous Angela said...

Yes, that's right, she's probably had her own self esteem crisis at having not won at Miss Universe and so she disguises herself as an ordinary girl office-worker so that no one will know of her disgrace. She'll probably be horrified that you've all found out about her former life and will promptly burst into tears and will only be soothed by a perfectly executed drawing of a horse.

Probably.

8:16 pm

 
Blogger lady miss marquise said...

Exactly as *dancinfairy* says.

And I'll bet she doesn't own as fabulous a necklace as you do after starring in super fab saucy music video (although, I don't mean THAT kind of saucy)
Granted, when I was told who would be replacing me at my old job, I was devastated... how can anyone actually replace you?! ;O)

And I want to see the pony, too.

8:52 pm

 
Blogger lady miss marquise said...

Exactly as *dancinfairy* says.

And I'll bet she doesn't own as fabulous a necklace as you do after starring in super fab saucy music video (although, I don't mean THAT kind of saucy)
Granted, when I was told who would be replacing me at my old job, I was devastated... how can anyone actually replace you?! ;O)

And I want to see the pony, too.

8:57 pm

 
Blogger Miss Devylish said...

Ok.. just so you are secure in all your glory that is you sugar, pageant girls are not models. They can stand, walk in pretty dresses and know how to keep their swim suits in place. This is talent?! They also know how to answer questions like: If you could only solve one world issue, what would be the biggest priority for you? Peace/hunger/poverty - is always their answer.. nothing like 'There should be more drawn ponies in the world' and hey, THAT would be more creative. I'd vote for her. And they typically only look good in crowns - not hats w/ feathers in them, which are by far much more superior. xoxo

10:37 pm

 
Blogger Gordon said...

As dancinfairy suggests, she didn't win the damn thing, so she might just have been one of the many thousands of 'regional' entrants (Miss South West Bradford or summat).

And hell, anyone can enter those.. even you.

Er... wait, that didn't come out right..

Umm... bloody cyclists

*rolls eyes*

*then gets coat and leaves quickly*

9:39 am

 
Blogger galatea said...

Hey, she could be 'model pretty' - you know, looks great in photos but actually has a massive nose and pug eyes in real life?

1:25 pm

 
Blogger Léonie said...

DF - I will draw a pony for you. Soon. I can feel the excitement building up.

ILS - Icksnay on the angshowgay. I have a rep to protect.

Angela - I don't want to make her cry, even if she is ten billion times prettier than I am! I'd better start that picture pronto.

LMM - I haven't actually worn that necklace yet. Although I bought a black wrap dress this week which is quite austere and could do with a fabulous necklace to posh it up a bit.

Miss D - Ah, thanks. You always know how to make me feel better..

Gordon - *throws a can of Slim Fast at the retreating form*

Galatea - Yeah, they do some marvellous things with PhotoShop nowadays. She's probably got no tits, either.

2:59 pm

 

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