Thursday, January 25, 2007

If I Were

to say I was sorry for not posting I would not be quite sure to whom I would be saying sorry.

So I shall promptly avoid that and simply go straight on to some Exciting Things! That are Not Exciting At All!

- Cardiff was ace. We stayed at Dan's parents' house, I ate some of their cheese, we watched Grease 2. Great. Also we went for a walk along the sea front in the dark and whipping rain, managed about five minutes of this-isn't-the-city bracingness before ducking into the nearest pub to talk alternately about racism in Celebrity Big Brother ("I hate this conversation" mumbled Dan, eyes fixed on an episode of Top Gear that was rumbling from ill-placed televisions) and the imminent Chinese New Year ("It's the year of the bull!" declared Amy. Some expensive texting to AQA later: "Year of the... boar, they say" asserted someone. "That's what I said! Bull. Boar. Wait, are they different?") Later on we taxied in to the centre of Cardiff, where we all drunk our bodyweight in wine, cocktails and shots and met with Mr Curly, who did not help me stay sober one little bit. It was a fantastic night, and my last memories are of telling a bouncer he looked "about twelve". I think (reassure me on this, Curly) I stopped short of telling him I could "totally take him in a fight". Which I totally could have done.

- I am shortly going to be holding auditions for my band. Anyone who wants to audition please let me know and I shall let you know which costume I desire you to wear. Musical ability is less important than the ability to look good in lycra. It is key to understand that I have my very own special definition of the word 'good'.

- Due to some unexpected emotional upheaval in the last few weeks I have been running too much and too far. Everyday I have been stapping on the (four) (I am not joking) sports bras and heading off to run to open spaces and scream 'fuck' as loudly as I can. My whole body is aching, but unless I keep running my head explodes, so I have little choice. Would I rather a) walk like a malformed crab or b) have no head? What a choice. On the upside, though, all the mud around recently makes running a very, very satisfying experience. The more mud I get spattered as far up my legs as possible, the more points I get. And points, as we all know, mean absolutely nothing at all.

I have nothing else to say, so I leave you with a joke I read the other day:

"I was in bed with my girlfriend the other day, and she turned to me and said "You're such a pervert."
I said "That's a big word for a nine year old." "

I know. But it made me laugh, and not even guiltily, so there.


Blogger Betty said...

That joke made me laugh too. I intend to send it around to all of my friends.

Most inappropriate. :-)

12:29 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could apologise to me if you wanted because I kept checking and you were not here.

But as I am not posting at the moment I am not allowed to say that.

The malformed crab / have no head question reminded me of one you asked me at the beginning of our blog friendship - one about a really heavy head or gravity defying arms. Imagine running with either of those!

Dancinfairy x

4:39 pm

Blogger Clarissa said...

Wait!!!! I thought you had your band already!

Grease 2? With Michelle Pfieffer? "He's a coo coo cooool rider"?

6:40 pm

Anonymous greavsié said...

I look fantastic in lycra!

*Tunes maraccas*

10:02 pm

Blogger Heather said...

I don't look good in lycra, but I can make a pot of tea and bake nice cakes.

10:38 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Betty - The inappropriate ones are always the best.

DF - I am deeply sorry. Now come back from your hiatus. I have thought long and hard over the years about the really heavy head/gravity defying arms question and it sure is a tricky one. It probably would depend how strong your neck was.

Clarissa - Yes, some of the selections were made at a blogmeet back in the misty shadows of 2006. You are, of course, still a member. As are...

Greavsie -

Heather - Perfect! We could get a lycra tea cosy! You will be the most important member.

12:34 pm

Blogger Curly said...

The 12 year old bouncer loved talking to you, yeah! You did stop short of telling him that you could totally take him, you sang to him instead - which was nice!

Was out again with Bledd last night, he said:-
"Remember when we were here last Saturday and had all those sambuccas?"

"We had Sambucca?" was my reply. Ouch.

3:58 pm

Blogger Heather said...

Excellent - tea all the way. Alcohol is so overrated, apart from Champagne obviously.

I will start icing my buns now.

Get in touch when you need them :)

4:09 pm

Blogger lady miss marquise said...

Oh bless you! My parents are from Cardiff, it is the only place I feel as if I am of normal height and stature...

I look terrible in lycra, I'm better in a polyster blend. Sad, but true.

And as I have recently started running again, I have bought the sports bra to end all sports bras. I am not kidding. The girls do not move, nor bounce. They stay where they need to, they do not cause me agony and it is also comfortable. I think it's an Adidas one but I will find out and let you know...

Lots love x

11:36 pm

Blogger Lola said...

Ha! That joke made me laugh out loud. So now I have to tell myself off for finding it funny... Damn.

Lola x

12:30 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

Yay for Grease 2 - isn't Michelle Pfeiffer divine? Used to know that whole silly movie by heart. And double yay for year of the boar - c'est moi! It's my year so it definitely is different than the bull. We are no less stubborn, but we are clever little swines. And yay for perverted jokes! I will have to spread that around.

OH! I want to audition! Can I be in spandex remotely? And in only flattering light and shadow? I'm just curious. It could work you know.

8:58 pm


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