Thursday, May 26, 2005

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch Changes! And small dogs.

So, anyway, it occured to me that my blog might be getting a bit boring. Where, I hear you ask, are the tantalising tales of my promiscuity and darstardly deeds that used to keep you entertained for at least a minute a day? Have I stopped going out? Has my social life dried up so much that I can't even manage to twist it into something that even so much as RESEMBLES fun and frolics? Am I, in short, GROWING UP?!

HA. Let's all take a moment to have a good hearty laugh about that one.

No, fair reader, I am doing nothing of the sort.

I have been trying to re-focus myself. To gain some perspective, see the bigger picture, to re-channel my energies and become a more illuminated, content human being.

Basically? SORT MY FUCKING LIFE OUT.

And I have come up with plans. Oh yes. There are Plans and they are Varied and Interesting (and, many would suggest, Ill-Advised).

Before I unveil these spangly beperfumed Plans, I will do a brief, non-bullet-pointed summary of La Vie de la Léonie in these recent times.

My friends Bec and Paul (of 'commenting' fame) moved into a LOVELY flat last weekend. It is in West Kensington, and but a throw of a stone from the tube station. I was going to write that I helped them move, but they read this and I would feel all guilty writing that when they know and I know that all I REALLY did was get in the way and drink wine. I did little to help. But I was there, my moral support was there and I got rid of all that pesky, pesky wine that would otherwise have clogged up all that important moving space.

After that I went to a party. I got there at midnight and stayed up listening to jazz till 5am at which point I promptly fell asleep on the floor of the dining room on a rug.

On Sunday I hung around, read Cosmo. Did the quizzes. I am
a) A liar who tells her friends what they want to hear and only has afore-mentioned friends because I tell them they're pretty, and
b) An exhibitionist in bed.
Hmm. Both of those I will choose to view in a flattering light. Oh and also? You look HOT today. Nice dress.

What else?

Last night I went to the theatre. It was a one woman production that the actress had devised herself, about Billie Holiday, and it was fantastic. Also at one point there was a little dog on stage and it was funny. Yes, I am a discerning theatre-goer (but the dog was tiny and kept scratching and then looking around the stage VERY suspiciously, like it might've been thinking "Ok. Not sure QUITE where I am and who the hell ALL THOSE PEOPLE are, but I will just sit here for a while and.. ooh itchy itchy scratchy scratchy... la la I'm a dog" or something.). Anyway it was good.

Oh and another day Pippa and I went to her house, ate pizza and brownies and drank wine. We watched 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days' and wondered vaguely how we got to be us and Kate Hudson got to be her and marvelled (through our mouthfuls of chocolate brownie) at the sheer injustice of it. Oh, don't get me wrong, Pippa and I are HOT (and apparently I'm an exhibitionist in bed so I'm a pretty damned good catch) but Kate? We're not Kate.

And not much else has happened really.

I watched some good TV and got an email from Chris about potentially living on a houseboat on the Thames (YES. Just yes.) and have discussed at length the upcoming weekend's debacles. Also one morning the shower was really cold. But not to worry. I coped. I managed. I'm here.

And also? I have Plans. Remember the Plans?

Come September I am OUT OF HERE. I don't know where yet, but I am leaving the country for at least a month, to be on my own, meet all sorts of new people and LIVE THE FUCKING DREAM.

Maybe Europe?
Maybe South America?
Maybe your house?

I'm going. And in the interim I am going to save money, sing my little heart out and generally have fun and get pissed and see my friends.

Do you think these are good Plans? Where shall I go? I am SO excited. My life is taking a turn people. I am an exhibitionist in bed, so what can go wrong?

The world will FUCKING LOVE ME.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Paul said...

How did you know I was wearing a dress?

Yeah, the wine was just troublesome. Thanks for drinking it and helping it fulfil its boozy destiny. It was nice to have someone to share the load.

They are good plans. Perhaps a little 'without form, and void' at the moment, but good.

I think you should play 'pin the tail on the atlas' to decide where to go. Sure, it means you've got a 2/3rds chance of choosing a patch of water, but the risk's all part of the fun.

OR go to Buenos Aires, because I really want to go there and sneakily suspect that I never will. You will then be the envy of at least one of your friends. (Always best to start small).

1:15 pm

 
Blogger Bug said...

How totally bodacious are you that you're just going to leave?? Just like that! You don't even know where but you know you ARE going! That's so cool I could throw up!

I think you should go to the Greek Islands. Maybe because it's FUCKING FREEZING here, but how GRAND does it sound to sit on a white beach and drink all day then dance all night??

Oh I'm so jealous. And WELL impressed by your bedroom exhibitionism, obviously

3:21 pm

 
Blogger anonymister said...

I was just reading your blog when I realised that I have a small dog and am in a one woman play about Billie Holiday!
Actually half of that was a lie. I do have a small dog and... you can guess the rest.
I hate you and your blog by the way. I know you're just doing it to make people like you. I don't even believe you're a woman. I think you're an old man with only small saggy breasts and absolutely no friends in the real world. You don't deserve any you leary old Douglas Adams sociopathic story imbiber.
I. on the other hand, AM a woman. A very very sexy one. Most people I sleep with think I'm an exhibitionist even though I'm not. It's because my breasts are so large and my waste so small and my body so well shaved that being in bed with me is better than being at any exhibition. And I mean ANY exhibition. Even an exhibition of all female celebrities being fucked by Brad Pitt and inviting you to join them.
Just so you know there is someone much much better than you out here in the real world. xx

5:24 pm

 
Blogger Léonie said...

You mis-spelt waist. HA HA HA. You are shit.

5:44 pm

 
Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said...

Okay first off - come to the states girlfriend! Hello, what better place than the good 'ole US of A!

Also, Love Love Love How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days - "Princess Sophia"!

And I'd give anything to be able to sing!
-Career Woman

6:41 pm

 
Blogger peashelle said...

Wherever you go, you'll have a grand, exhibition-y time! :D

7:17 pm

 
Anonymous Jenny said...

You have to promise to blog your adventures, okay? I'm sure they will be great!

7:26 pm

 
Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

I had Plans at one point. Then they got interuppted by Bills and College and Lack Of Time.

But I still have Plans.

11:36 pm

 
Blogger Kevin said...

I was in college when the chair of my department explained a dichotomy of learning to me. Seems that some folks learn about frogs by dissecting them and pinning the skin back and knowing, analytically, how frogs work. The other type jumps in a fucking pond and splashes about some and starts to get what it is to be a frog.

I quit school, joined a band, travelled the country, fucked girls who would never have looked at me otherwise. Tried some fantastic drugs, drank my self stupid, met incredible people, sang standards and rock and country and got money and free beer for it. Got by. Dug in and was deposited on the other side diabetic, broke, lonesome and nowhere beyond where I was when I was 19 toward anything.

Fuck yes I'd do it all over again twice.

What ever voice you're hearing - follow it. It lies and whispers the most serpentine, sensual things. It takes you down roads where you get beat up or left cold and alone. It tells you truths you can't handle. So what? Would you prefer silence? There will always be more voices. It's only life.

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