Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Sleeping with my eyes open.

This post is being constructed by means of me having plugged my subconscious into my keyboard and letting it run free. Conscious Léonie is asleep. She is not snoring, because, come on, she is FAR too ladylike. She is laid out elegantly on a velvet-covered lounger, wearing a flowing satin nightgown, and she has a delicate smile playing around her lips. She is Happy. Sleep makes her Happy. Léonie + Sleep = World Peace (probably).

Either that OR I am conscious (and I use that in the LOOSEST possible sense of the word) and the above paragraph is a fantasy constructed through my tiredness and feeling of stress that is strange and unfounded. So I will tell you in a short way about things that have been happening around these parts recently. This won't necessarily be a list of Good, Bad or even particularly Interesting things. Sorry to disappoint, if that's what you were expecting. I'm just so tired.

1. I'm not sure I'm quite recovered from last Monday's Robber-In-Flat debacle. Last week I was so exhausted the WHOLE time. I remember that feeling from the times I've had depression, that overwhelming weariness. I'm not a fan.

2. I'm still exhausted, and everything seems like a MASSIVE effort.

3. On a positive note? My Crush? He is SO COOL. And he reads this sometimes, so if he's reading now then Hi there, Crush! You? Are SO COOL. (Blows kiss)

4. I still have no Switch card. And the brighter sparks among you may have deduced that no card = no money. I have £30 to last me till I get my card back. That is not enough, because:

5. I have nothing to wear for my gig on Thursday. Naked singing is, of course, a possibility, but frowned upon, apparently. Some people are such prudes.

6. I keep on having dreams that are disturbing due to their bizarre similarity to real life. By which I mean that things, situations and people present in my 'real' life keep featuring in my subconscious one. But the stress levels in my dreams are hitched up by about twenty notches. So I wake up stressed and in a panic, but then cannot differentiate between stress from the dream and stress from real life. This is Not Fun, and makes me tired.

7. I have realised that going back to the flat I am staying in panics me, because of what happened there. This is an unpleasant feeling, and it means that I spend quite a lot of the time feeling quite stressed. I hate feeling stressed.

8. I think I might be getting fat.

9. Another positive? My little sister Sophie posted a comment the other day. Hurray! She's a good one.

10. I feel like I can't deal with any of this stuff because I'm too tired and my brain won't work.

I don't like writing negative posts, so I'm sorry that I have nothing to say apart from this unbearable shit.

This is funny though, so look at this if you're bored.

I think I need a VERY relaxing holiday. Away from robbers, away from flats with robbers in them, or that might feel like they might have robbers in. Away from the necessity but lack of money. Away from paranoia about friends. Away from boredom. Away from a sneaky, trick-playing subconscious. A sleep-filled holiday, please. A bed-based holiday.

Zzzzzz....

11 Comments:

Blogger Doug said...

I think what I love the most about some of your posts are the randomness of them (or so sometimes it seems). It makes me laugh, thinking how close this all sounds like my own brain. Thanks for the thoughts.

1:32 pm

 
Anonymous Impish Little Sister said...

Come to Paris. Parents will give you money and I will organise some gigs for us to do together. Thats all I'm saying.

3:32 pm

 
Anonymous still impish said...

Oh, and that I love you more than you know.

3:35 pm

 
Anonymous Jenny said...

I vote for Paris, too! A change of scene and a relaxing holiday might be just what you need.

4:06 pm

 
Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Everyone has their days, or weeks, or months. Just don't throw in the towel quite yet. Things will get better, I promise you.

Keep your chin up!

7:01 pm

 
Blogger Bug said...

I say the Greek islands. Go and lie on a beach somewhere (since you're in summer, lucky wench!) with a cocktail (or 17) and a trashy book

If that doesn't relax you, NOTHING will!!

Jealous of you and The Crush. So so so jealous. And green is not my favourite colour so :P

4:59 am

 
Blogger monkey typist said...

hello
it sounds like youre doing very well considering, but its bound to take a little while to be 'over' that stuff, so, sleep and be merry!

11:00 am

 
Blogger number1hypocrite said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:13 pm

 
Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Leonie,

I need to talk to you about something. I'm gone for the next few days, but I'd like some way to mention something to you other than this comment section. E-mail me (number1hypocrite@yahoo.com) if you have the chance.

Please and thank you.

(sorry for the double comment, I was signed in under my blogger name, which I don't use often)

3:14 pm

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog. Actually, I was kidding about the razor thing. I'm rather clumsy and do fun things like run into walls. That I should've seen. Because, they're walls. And adding an extra blade to my razor seems kind of funny when you look at it that way. But anyway, no that's not embarassing that you read that the wrong way, I should've explained it better. Anyway though, if you ever need a friend, I could always use more. ;)
-radiantsky
(aim:radiantsky23)

8:48 pm

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Le,
I don't know how to do accents online. You and your awkward name!
I still exist!
Sorry I can't make the gig but have a great one and maybe I'll see you soon.
The last time I saw you I said you should come and have lunch. You still should. I know I am not london but hey, remember what the provinces look like once in a while. Be great to see you.
Take care you,

Dan
xxx

1:39 am

 

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