Tuesday, June 28, 2005

In which I am elegantly discreet

So, this crush. It's not really a crush, so much as an attraction. Is that the same thing?

Disclaimer: I don't want a boyfriend (listen very carefully and you will hear the male population of London shedding a small tear [possibly of relief but we'll bypass that]).

My last boyfriend was a poor example of the genre, or a perfect example, depending upon how cynical you're feeling.
Two weeks after he dumped me over the phone (which was marginally better than when he dumped me the time before that, which was, to all intents and purposes, in a text message) he got together with a girl I had considered to be quite a close friend. They are still together. The problem I had with it was simply that neither of them saw fit to let me know.
I haven't mentioned this before now because I was more than a little humiliated by the whole affair, and also because I felt like, oh shit what if they were to READ this and then they'd KNOW how I FELT and, that would be like admitting FAILURE... but then, I can reason to myself, they must know that they hurt me by ignoring my existence. And chances are they are not going to read this. So why shouldn't I write about it?

That last bit was a bit rambling, I grant you. But you get the gist of the thing. Not the worst betrayal in the world, not by a long shot. I wanted out of the relationship anyway, and could have accepted their glorious union (odd turn of phrase there) if they'd been a bit more open to me about it. But it did rather put me off men for a while.

But now? Well, still not looking for a boyfriend (although, Zach? Mr Braff? If you're there? This excludes you. You I would certainly make an exception for. Love me!) but I am beginning to take small inching steps towards being interested in men again. I am also thinking that maybe there might be some fool out there that might be interested in me.

Just a little bit. (Blushes in a coy, demure, Jane Austen-like manner)

So this crush? It's not really a crush, so much as a vague feeling about someone. Someone who, I think, doesn't really have that much of an interest in me. Or maybe he does. I don't know.
And don't say 'ask', or 'be up front' because that can only happen with people who are much cooler than I am, and no doubt better dressed. By which I mean Samantha from Sex in the City, obviously. And anyway I don't want to ask, because I don't want to be his girlfriend. No. Maybe I'm just reverting back to my Old Ways.

I know this hasn't been very descriptive. Maybe you wanted to know details? Sorry, I cannot, I am WAY too shy. He is sexy and funny, and I am happy to go on having a crush on him without getting anything out of it, because I am alright by myself. In fact, I am better than that. I like being on my own and independent, marching around my city on whatever whim takes me, not a care in the world.

The fact that it's going to be sunny and in the mid-twenties this week, however, might pose a problem. I know that for some people this would be deemed as hat-scarf-and-mittens-on-elastic-through-your-anorak wintry. But for me and for the rest of London it is sleeveless-tops-pints-on-the-pavement-doing-a-conga-in-sombreros summery.

And I fear that it might not bode so well, considering the effect that has on me.

(That noise you just heard? That was the male population of London locking their doors, bolting their windows, and fastening their chastity belts.)


Anonymous dave said...

"there might be some fool out there that might be interested in me"

ah léonie..you know theres always been lots of us. fools that is ;)

2:20 pm

Blogger Doug said...

I had a crush on a girl in high school and one night I told her and the feeling was mutual. The problem, I was scared shitless. I thought she was WAY to good for me and I blew any chance I might of had with her by dating someone else the next day (in my mind, I was saving both of us from a messy relationship{give me a break I was 16/17}). We stayed friedns through school but lost contact after school. I have recently run into her a few times and it really sucks but I get that same feeling (which I then second guess because of the whole situation I am going through with my seperation). I think I am going to swear off women for a while. SO we can start an anti-dating club and be the presidents.

3:08 am

Blogger Bug said...

I'm actually a big fan of the "just tell them you fancy them and see what happens" thing. It generally gets a reaction, at least! And I'm not even very pretty so there must be something to it

Just give us some LEETLE details, like hair colour, age, whatever. Come on woman!! I live vicariously through you - you KNOW this!!

Aren't crushes awesome? Don't you feel like you're in high school again? :)

1:49 pm

Blogger Doug said...

I agree with BUG. We need some details. Although, since I am not attracted to the same sex, it may be hard to picture this hunk of yours. I can always try though.

9:12 pm

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Speaking your mind, however hard that may be, when you have feelings like that is much more rewarding in the end, regardless of the turnout. If the feelings are returned, then you have something. If they aren't, then you know that you've checked one more off the list before you've found the elusive Mr Right.

But I, along with others I'm sure, would like to know more about this issue =)


3:42 am

Blogger Léonie said...

Oh I don't know! He might read this and then it would all be too embarrassing for words and I would have to die. And then my Mum would come after you guys because you made me tell and subsequently perish. And my mother may be small, but she can handle an axe like a pro.

10:56 am

Blogger Bug said...

An axe? Your mother wields an AXE? Do you not live in Hertfordshire, home of all things civil and Pride-and-Prejudice-y?? WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AXES??

So. He may read this. So he's someone you KNOW well enough that HE knows you have a blog. Hmm. More clues, more clues :)

1:00 pm

Blogger Doug said...

I feel like Holmes (except I have no Watson). The only real problem, I'm thousands of miles away so any clue you throw us will be appreciated.

1:04 pm

Blogger Unknown said...

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9:00 pm


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