It may look like a post, but really? It's just words.

I have nothing to say. I haven't written anything since Friday, and you know why that is? It's because I have dried up. Not that I was ever particulary, ahem, free-flowing, but now? It turns out that I don't even have Funny. I am a shell of a human being.

Not that I haven't been having fun. I have been having fun. Cavorting and frolicking and the like.

But I tried to write yeterday, got halfway through and my brain just kind of went like this: meh. If a brain could shrug nonchalantly and stare into space, that's what mine would've done. And now it's just kind of picking at its nails and scuffing its feet on the ground and being VERY petulant. It needs discipline. A Firm Hand. So I will make my brain do Complicated Sums until it learns how to behave.

2542x44755 = ?

Brain: Alright, alright enough! I am an ARTSY type of brain. I do things like Pontificate. I Contemplate Important Things About The Universe. Sometimes I have even been known to Philosophicate. And make up words. But MATHS? I laugh in the face of Maths. I will behave myself.

So my brain is trying.

I will write a list of Things.

1. My new computer came. It's an iMac and it is pretty and SEXY and I am going to marry it. We will elope to Xfsatiztan, a little known country in the Middle East, and the only country to legally recognise the purity of the union between a Woman and her Computer.

2. I am tired today. I think it's because I stayed up most of the night whispering sweet nothings to my new computer/boyfriend/fiancé.

3. I am going swimming tonight. I know, I know. Rock and fucking roll.

4. I VERY nearly spent £90 on clothes before 9am this morning. I didn't in the end but it was a close shave.

5. I miss my little sister, who is in Paris and would DEFINITELY have been able to find some way of justifying buying two dresses before work on a Wednesday morning.

6. I had a really strange dream last night. About an ex-boyfriend mainly, but also all my friends were gansters and my Dad was trying to do an Elvis impression but couldn't decide which song to sing. My subconscious is actually less strange than my normal conscious brain. Concerning.

7. I just hurt my lip with my nail. Ow. I hate it when there's no one to blame but myself. I blame Tony Blair.

I so wanted to find ten Things to say but I will have to settle for a meagre seven because I suspect that secretly my brain is preoccupied with that sum from earlier on and is SEVERLY diminished in capacity.

So. How are YOU today? Are you well? Do you maybe have a secret crush on an inanimate object that you would like to share with the Internet? Do you blame Tony for my nail-sustained lip injury? Share.