Wednesday, June 01, 2005

It may look like a post, but really? It's just words.

I have nothing to say. I haven't written anything since Friday, and you know why that is? It's because I have dried up. Not that I was ever particulary, ahem, free-flowing, but now? It turns out that I don't even have Funny. I am a shell of a human being.

Not that I haven't been having fun. I have been having fun. Cavorting and frolicking and the like.

But I tried to write yeterday, got halfway through and my brain just kind of went like this: meh. If a brain could shrug nonchalantly and stare into space, that's what mine would've done. And now it's just kind of picking at its nails and scuffing its feet on the ground and being VERY petulant. It needs discipline. A Firm Hand. So I will make my brain do Complicated Sums until it learns how to behave.

2542x44755 = ?

Brain: Alright, alright enough! I am an ARTSY type of brain. I do things like Pontificate. I Contemplate Important Things About The Universe. Sometimes I have even been known to Philosophicate. And make up words. But MATHS? I laugh in the face of Maths. I will behave myself.

So my brain is trying.

I will write a list of Things.

1. My new computer came. It's an iMac and it is pretty and SEXY and I am going to marry it. We will elope to Xfsatiztan, a little known country in the Middle East, and the only country to legally recognise the purity of the union between a Woman and her Computer.

2. I am tired today. I think it's because I stayed up most of the night whispering sweet nothings to my new computer/boyfriend/fiancé.

3. I am going swimming tonight. I know, I know. Rock and fucking roll.

4. I VERY nearly spent £90 on clothes before 9am this morning. I didn't in the end but it was a close shave.

5. I miss my little sister, who is in Paris and would DEFINITELY have been able to find some way of justifying buying two dresses before work on a Wednesday morning.

6. I had a really strange dream last night. About an ex-boyfriend mainly, but also all my friends were gansters and my Dad was trying to do an Elvis impression but couldn't decide which song to sing. My subconscious is actually less strange than my normal conscious brain. Concerning.

7. I just hurt my lip with my nail. Ow. I hate it when there's no one to blame but myself. I blame Tony Blair.

I so wanted to find ten Things to say but I will have to settle for a meagre seven because I suspect that secretly my brain is preoccupied with that sum from earlier on and is SEVERLY diminished in capacity.

So. How are YOU today? Are you well? Do you maybe have a secret crush on an inanimate object that you would like to share with the Internet? Do you blame Tony for my nail-sustained lip injury? Share.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greetings from Xfsatiztan
So, you want to marry your computer - now you know what they really meant by a "sex drive". get it? haha.

However, you really shouldn't blame Tony Blair for hurting your lip with your nail. It wasn't his fault, and I think deep down you know it. You can email the Prime Minister at
Let him know how sorry you are for blaming him for your own inadequacies and you will be on the road to redemption.

This comment was intended to be much funnier than it has turned out to be.

By the way, the answer is 113767210
This should free up some much needed brain capacity...

10:48 am

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

I am fine, thanks for asking. The only inanimate object I have a crush on is my car (a 1996 Saturn SL1), because we have similar personality types.

And as it so happens, I do blame Tony Blair for all of your problems. It seems like a good way out of self-blame.

1:04 pm

Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said...

It wasn't Tony Blair, it was George W. Bush. He's responsible for every fat lip in America, why not your's too?

2:36 pm

Blogger Bug said...

I fancy my bed. It makes me feel warm and comfortable and the mattress works the kinks out of my neck when it's sore - how many boyfriends do all of that?? Oh, and it lets me wear pyjamas EVERY time I'm around it, and ANYone (anything?) who's feeling the pyjama love is ok in my book!

2:55 pm

Blogger Doug said...

I have the same problem. I never know what to write because, frankly, my life is pretty dull.

I think I have a crush on my TV. IT's a nice 42 inch widescreen TV from Hitachi. Since I like to turn my brain off when I get home from work, TV and movies do the job. Granted I normally have a book in my hand and people always ask me how I can read a book, watch TV and carry a conversation all at the same time and still know what's going on in all three.

2:58 pm

Anonymous Jenny said...

I'm in love with Google.

And pretty random - but I was reading the top ten baby name lists for various countries and Léonie was on quite a few - Germany I think and somewhere else.

3:13 pm

Blogger lakeline said...

I'm fine. Work is roughing me up, but I'm really fine.

I have a crush on beer. Also, my digital camera.

I agree that it's Bush's fault. Do you remember when he nearly choked on a pretzel during the Super Bowl a few years ago? Maybe it wasn't such big news away from the US...

3:39 pm

Anonymous em said...

I heart my sony vaio.
really, I do.

3:50 pm

Blogger e$ said...

i am feeling lukewarm lately as well. I don't love any inanimate objects as much as I loathe them, (ie: the imac at work that refuses to, well, WORK) and I am so disgruntled that my blog is beginning to suffer. But not yours! I love your blog!! FO' real!! So keep going, even if you think you are being dull.

6:40 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, it's me. Ta-da! Miss Lily Dumont, in the flesh... well, in digital print, anyway. I don't have a blogspot blog... tempted to start one, but I think more than one blog is a bit... well... geeky.

I'm a bit in love with my new car. Well, it's an old car, but it's now compeletly mine and she's lovely. Her name is Violet, for fairly obvious reasons. She and I don't drive together - we make road-love... maybe you could join us sometime? Thinking of trying to trade in my pooter for a laptop (and I have a feeling I would love that too) - any tips on buying a cheap good one (not a mac, though, they scare me)?

Love you, Miss L, and you have much more than funny, I'm telling you. xxx

8:37 pm


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