Thursday, June 02, 2005

Seizing the day - all the cool kids are doing it.

You know yesterday? Yes? When I said I was going swimming after work? Can you guess what I'm about to tell you?

I should explain something really.. I'm sure that I am not alone in possessing two sides to myself. One side could, I suppose, be described as my 'conscience'. This is a part of me that is all pretty and nice, and dressed in tumbling linen gowns adorned with daisy chains. It floats around my brain saying things like 'do exercise, it's good for you and you'll feel so much better in yourself, especially if you get an early night as well' and then hums a pretty tune and skips away lovingly. Unfortunately the other side of me isn't quite so friendly. This part dresses in skin-tight leather, wears big, fat steel capped boots and carries a rather intimidating-looking whip. This is a part that goes around saying (in thunderous tones) "Don't be so fucking BORING! Drink some beer! Listen to music! Getting drunk and fat is the ONLY WAY FORWWRD. And you? Totally know it." And, as you may be able to work out, the latter part can TOTALLY kick the former's namby-pamby ass.

In short, my friends, I did not go swimming. No. My swimming costume and towel are tucked neatly and drily under my desk, where they will no doubt fester unnoticed forever. I went to a VERY cool gig at the Mean Fiddler with my VERY cool friend Steve and his mate Tom. To see this band. Yes, a ten piece Nordic band. They were fantastic and surprisingly hairy.

I drank the beer and ate the food and generally had a lovely time. Then stayed at Steve's so I am wearing the same clothes as I wore yesterday. Honestly. Sheer unadulterated CLASS.

Something funny happened to me on the way to this gig last night though. I was in Tesco's, just minding my own business at the checkout, when I kind of noticed the man at the till next to me looking at me. I left the shop and had started towards Picadilly Circus, when I noticed the same man walking about two steps behind me. He sped up and stopped me and we had the following interchange:

Him: Hi. This is strange I know but.. well.. are you doing anything tonight?
Me: Um.. hi. Well yes I am actually I'm going to meet a friend.
Him: Oh. Ok. Well could I take you out some other night then?
Me: Er.. no, thank you for asking though, I think.. well.. no. Thanks.
Him: Oh. Alright then. Bye then.
Me: Bye!

Now. This all looks quite sweet doesn't it? A stranger bravely asking out a girl he sees in the street on a whim? Yes, I agree. And when I read that little bit of dialogue I think, actually, that's quite charming really.

BUT. The thing was this. He had obviously been a bit peckish, so had popped into Tesco to get something to eat. And he had selected as his snack of choice, a great big pie. So as he was asking me out in this rather endearing fashion, he quite literally was doing it through a face full of meat pie.

I beg you. Tell me. WHY? Why pie? I mean, any chance he had with me just disappeared in a little puff pastry puff when I saw the, well, just the pie-y-ness of the whole situation. Strange.

So. The fun doesn't stop at last night. Tonight I'm going to see Beck in concert in Hammersmith with Chris. Much more of the fun-ness. I do like the fun-ness even though I know it's not a word really. I could probably deal with marginally less of the pie-y-ness though.

Aside from that it WAS nice to be asked out in that manner. Even if it is through a mouthful of re-constituted beef.


Blogger Doug said...

Swimming is overrated anyway. Let's just hope meat mouth (as we will call him) doesn't start "appearing" in all those places you may visit between work and, well work the next day in the same clothes you have on now.

2:46 pm

Anonymous Chris said...

You see, Leonie, I have a theory and it goes something like this.

The man you say you met - I believe you! And I am quite convinced that he was indeed eating pie.

The thing is, if he indeed had pie in his mouth as he was talking, then it is hard to believe you were actually able to comprehend each word he said, given there was no doubt a fine spray of pie detritus spewing forth from his gob.

Allow me to suggest another course of events

Him: "Pie!" (gesturing towards pie) "This is strange I know, but you look like you've been in a fight..." (having not been home last night, this is quite likely)

You: "Um.. hi. Well yes I am actually I'm going to meet a friend." (he now thinks you're pecularliary self-obsessed)

Him: "Oh. Ok." ("what a weirdo") "Well, would you care for a bite of my pie then?"

You: "Er.. no, thank you for asking though, I think.. well.. no. Thanks."

Him: "Oh. Alright then. Bye then."

You: "Bye!"

You see, you simply may have gotten the wrong end of the stick

Pie for now!

2:56 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

That was funny. Stop trying to out-do me.
Am worried that there's a man somewhere with indigestion who thinks I'm really arrogant.

3:25 pm

Anonymous Steve said...

Mate, I am honoured to be given the prefix 'cool friend' - wow, I feel famous! It was indeed a cool gig and I'm now attempting to grow hair all over my body in the hope that it will make me a fantastically talented and cool musician with a penchant for electronic gadgets just like them.
Not going well so far which is really unfair - I've been straining and pushing all day, but my hair just won't grow that fast.
Pie thing went well though - tried it out at lunchtime, and it turns out that actresses & supermodels really go for it; have had to turn down 5 already!
But then it was a Tesco Finest pie, none of you bluewhitestripey shite.

4:07 pm

Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said...

Um, I can not believe the meat pie story - rather strange.. but I am with doug - exercise in general is over rated!
-Career Woman

4:19 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

phew- so glad i'm not alone in being approached like that...never been pie-based though, but almost always involves a bus.
What kind of pie was it? fruit would have been nice and summery and more chat-up friendly...

6:05 pm

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

I got asked out once by this girl who, in the question before she asked me out, asked me if I smoked pot.

Like that was a turn on or something.

Her: Hey, do you smoke pot?
Me: Um. No.
Her: Oh. I do. Do you want to go out sometime?

Seriously. She was a co-worker of mine, and I told my supervisor about it. They did a little footwork/investigation, and then she got fired the next day.

But it was flattering to be asked out, was it not?

3:31 am

Blogger Bug said...

Don't listen to Doug! Swimming is FUN if it's at a beach! (I WILL convert you, Douglas, I WILL!) If it's a pool, bah, yawnsome

You got asked out around a pie. That's just... messy :(

4:35 am

Blogger madame mara said...

Fun-ness is a great word... not as good as funerious though. As in 'fun' FUN-erious, not the funereal funerious.

Right. I'll be over --> here if you need me.

9:55 am


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