On this Monday morning I shall mainly be not thinking too clearly. I don't understand why I can't think very well, my weekend was restful and sedate to the extreme.
The following questions were sent to me by the lovely Miss Devylish (see sidebar) as a New Meme. Lady Miss Marquise has also done them.
I invite you to do them!
1. What is the dish you take to every potluck?
Example number one of things I can't answer. What does it mean that I have never been to a potluck thing? Am I uncultured? Do I mix in the wrong circles? While these two things are undoubtedly true, I suspect that nobody invites me because they know that I would show up clutching a half eaten Pret Super Club sandwich and a two thirds-drunk bottle of cheap white wine.
2. Have you ever seen or felt a ghost, angel, spirit, or some sort of
No. Once, when I was at University, I was shaken awake by my then-boyfriend, who was convinced that my room was full of people. He was absolutely petrified. Not being able to see anything myself I leaned and switched the light on, and turned to see him sitting up, staring wildly around the room. They've gone now, he said. He said the room was full of people in Victorian-like dress, all just having some kind of a soirée. He said there was a woman standing next to where I was sleeping, looking at me.
The house was old, at least a hundred years I would say, and my room was downstairs at the front.
It didn't really bother me. If there is some ghostly presence in here, I thought, they clearly haven't harmed me so far. My boyfriend, a skeptical type, convinced himself it was a dream and went back to sleep. He was truly scared, though, I saw. He wasn't asleep.
I don't know what the answer is, but I wasn't scared at the time. I don't know why.
3. Would you rather never workout again and be skinny forever or be able to
work out whenever you wanted to and be a little overweight?
Skinny forever, please. I am interpreting 'working out' to mean in gyms, and I am not a fan of gyms. I would still get to run. Because I say so.
4. What is the hardest thing you think you've experienced so far?
I don't know. Depression is hard, but that's not a 'thing' because it comes and goes and waxes and wanes. Some of the worst bits of my depression were horrible. Being forced into the flat in Hackney and held there and robbed was quite horrible. I think today is not a good day to start dwelling on this question.
5. Do you like Snoopy or Woodstock better?
6. Can you talk and eat at the same time? And if so, can people understand
I'm quite shy about eating in front of people. I get very self-conscious, so if I really had to say something I'd wait until I had swallowed or cover my mouth and probably blush. I don't know why I have this hang up.
7. If you could be good at any profession, which would you choose and why?
PR. Then I could sell myself to anyone and feign self-belief even on certain Mondays when I don't have any.
8. Would you rather be a Playboy bunny or a Hooters girl?
Neither. I would dress up as one or the other for fun, or as a joke, but to actually BE? Yuck. No way.
If I absolutely HAD to I would be a Hooters girl. I think because I see 'being' a Hooters girl as more of a job for a few nights a week, whereas you'd have to actually be a Playboy bunny. It would be your identity and I would hate it.
9. Peanut butter – crunchy or smooth?
10. Bad boys, frat boys, intellectuals or dorks?
Not frat boys. The boys I know who consider themselves 'intellectuals' are often pretentious twats. I don't want someone who's mean to me, if that's what bad boy means. Nor do I want someone who has no confidence and plays computer games all day, if that's what dork means.
To sum up: I don't know.
These are the first ten questions. I don't have time to do the rest at the moment, but I will. I promise I will at some point.
I am feeling very low in confidence today. I am battling against my 'what's the point?' impulse that keeps bubbling up. In order to combat this I am going to write down some things I have planned for myself and highlight some positive things. This is seriously going against the grain today, though.
1. This week is the jazz improvisation workshop. I learned some useful stuff at the last workshop, and this one is much more geared towards what I want to do, so I think it could be interesting.
2. A guy that I know from uni who has a studio in Battersea and with whom I have done lots of music before want me to come and record all my songs at his studio. He wants to film the process, as well, which is fantastic for me. My friend Kate is going to come along as well and take some photos for me. As soon as I work out a date that suits me, him and Andy we can get moving on it.
3. I have been asked to organise the entertainment for a concert in aid of the Children's Society which will take place on July 1st. I have arranaged for four very lovely and talented people I know to get involved with me. Andy on piano, then me, Bec, Harry and Luke (soprano, alto, tenor and bass respectively) to put on an evening of musical theatre. About an hour and a half of singing, which between four people is quite a lot. In terms of sorting it all out it's going pretty well, I have a list of songs and have managed to track down copies of all of them. Having to organise rehearsals for five very busy people, one of whom doesn't even live in London, is proving pretty stressful, though. Oh, hang on, this was supposed to be a list of positive things. Well, we had a rehearsal yesterday with a few of us and it went well.
4. It's raining in London today. This may not seem like a positive thing, but I like running in the rain so I'm looking forward to going running this evening.
5. My parents are back from Austin, Texas and have brought with them a shiny treat for me in the form of a camera. A digital one! I am very excited. I keep seeing things I want to photograph. Including a tiny little bird that I have seen hopskipping around on the roof outside my window a couple of times. He is very, very sweet and small and I have named him Eddie.
Well, this post is long enough, now, and I must launch myself once more into this Monday mayhem.
I am feeling hugely rubbish today. I decided to have a nice lunch instead of the cracker/houmous combination which is in line with my budget. However, eating a Pret Super Club, an apple and a packet of crisps has made me feel fat and over-spendy.
I have decided to do some more of the meme to try to cheer myself up/snap the fuck out of it.
12. This is a two parter, and be truthful – when you are by yourself, do you
get a 6 inch or a 12 inch sandwich from Subway? How about when you are with
I've had Subway once in my whole life. I had the six incher. I didn't really like it.
13. What was the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you?
Left the country to go and live in Paris.
14. Location of the best sex you've ever had?
Oh. I can't think of one specific time. Or place.
15. Oddest place you've ever had sex?
Um. National Express coach, perhaps? Oh, the shame.
16. If you were super drunk, and REALLY had to pee, but all the toilets were
being used, would you consider alternate receptacles, i.e. the mens,
outside, a sink?
Yes to the men's, yes to outside, no way to a sink.
17. If you had to pick, classical or jazz?
Well. Of course I love jazz. I grew up listening to both, though, and playing the cello. My favourite piece of music ever in the world is the Elgar Cello Concerto. Once I got to the level of being able to play that there was really nothing more to aim for with my cello playing. I wouldn't give up that music, though. Nor would I give up jazz.
Tricky. Unanswerable, I'm afraid.
18. What's your favorite kind of pizza?
Pepperoni. With other things on it. I love pizza.
19. Ever flirted with a friend's significant other?
I don't think so. No.
20. What was the blog site or blog post that began your interest in
blogging? Please add the site name and link to specific post if possible for
completely entertainment purposes.
Amalah. I can't remember the post.
21. Have you ever eaten a whole bag of Marshmallows?
God no. Yuck.
22. Last time you drank so much that you had to
I can't remember. Perhaps last year? I have a particularly excrutiating memory of someone subtly mentioning that I had been walking around with vomit in my hair for a good hour or so. Sexy.
23. Do you have a stupid human trick you can do if you ever get on Dave
Letterman? And do tell, if so!
I have been sitting here thinking about this and can only conclude that I do not. Which really grates against my competitive nature.
The only one I could do today would be a spectacular display of 'being a bit on the glum side'.
24. Describe your perfect day.
I can't. Not in chronological order, like, get up, watch Charmed, eat,watch more Charmed, go to bed, etc. My idea of what a perfect day constitutes changes all the time. Today I would like to be on holiday, relaxing on a beach and maybe doing some watersports. Other days I want to be singing, other days I just want to be in bed, oblivious.
25. Do you think the concept of a single best friend is outdated and
I think some people have one best friend, and that isn't outdated. I'm not sure that having a friendship hierarchy is very sane. I have a few people I trust above other people, and they are my best friends.
26. What about the idea of one true love?
I believe in that. I sort of wish I didn't, but I do.
27. One of your favorite memories of all time?
Getting my A-level results. I used to be a member of the Venture Scouts, and every summer we used to go on these holidays, called Expeditions. Two weeks in a chalet in somewhere like Austria, Switzerland or the south of France, invaribaly mountainous areas with beautiful scenery. There would usually be about one hundred of us there, aged 15-18.
It might perhaps sound a bit geeky, and perhaps it was. We went hiking for the first three days, and the rest of the time we could do what we wanted. There were activities to do, I went para-gliding, climbing, abseiling, canyoning amongst other things. We went on day trips to towns and cities. I remember re-enacting the Sound of Music in Salzberg, for example.
The social aspect was brilliant. Most of my close friends from home I met through Ventures. Talked to on hikes, elicitly got drunk with and snogged, ran off hills attached to parachutes and jumped off waterfalls with.
It was on my last expedition in Marignac, France, that I was getting my A-level results. I remember the hype, the excitement and the fear among all of us who were getting the results that day. The whisperings "oh my God, Laura's so nervous she's throwing up" "well I haven't eaten anything in three days" that always made me feel like I wasn't being enough of a drama queen when I had the opportunity. Lots of my friends went to the bar to wait and then call home to get their results.
I took my friend Andrew and we went and found a bridge that crossed a little babbling stream near our chalet. We sat in the sun, our backs facing downstream. As we looked upstream we could trace it all the way up to the mountains, surrounded as we were by rich green and azure skies. I held my phone in my hand as we sat, chatting and waiting. As it rang I jumped. I swivelled towards Andrew and stared at him. At that point I remember I dropped something in the river and to this day I have no idea what it was. Answering the phone, my Dad told me my results, and it was exactly what I wanted.
Running back to the chalet to impart the news, spending the afternoon and evening in exhaltation, proud and exhilirated and completely happy.
It was a good day.
28. What is your least favorite physical feature about yourself?
I wish I had a more toned stomach.
29. What's your most favorite?
My legs. This is difficult because I do have a particularly ravishing left elbow as well.
30. If you had one wish for making the world a better place, what would it
There is such a sense of having to be better than one's neighbour, by whatever means. I would wish that people weren't so quick to turn to violence and to anger.
Bloody hell this is long now. Sorry.