I don't know what to write about nowadays. Therefore, instead of attempting to write anything 'relevant', 'meaningful' or 'interesting', I have turned to some irrelevant, meaningless and not-so-much-with-the-interesting questions to answer. They came to me in an email. I have deleted some of them. Either because I couldn't be bothered to answer them or because they were about sex. Also I deleted the one asking me if I kept an online journal, because who would do that? Some narcissistic fucker.
Anyway. Don't feel compelled to trawl through it all. The first question pretty much sets the 'interesting' precedent for the whole thing.
How many keys are on your keychain?
Three for the front door, one to my parents' house.
What curse word do you use the most?
Probably none override any of the others. I say the word 'shitsticks' a lot, actually. Sometimes it morphs into 'shittlesticks'.
Do you own an iPod?
Yes, I do. A mini one, in green. It has the words 'Léonie's iPod' etched on the back. By the Apple Store, not by me and an unfolded paper clip.
What time is your alarm clock set for?
7.10, 7.25, 7.35, then I get out of bed and am invariably late for work.
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
In it. With powers of deletion.
What was the last movie you watched?
On the plane coming back from NZ I watched numerous films, some good, some nostril-searingly bad. The last one I watched before touching down in Heathrow was 'Lucky Number Slevin'. In fact, I had to hide the headphones under my hair so that the stewardesses wouldn't take them from me, forcing me to miss the last, and as it turned out crucial, moments of the film. I really enjoyed it, actually. Not the hiding-the-headphones (for some reason on flights I always find myself wanting the steward/esses to like me the best out of all the passengers, and suspect that delaying collection of electronic devices isn't the way to make this happen), the film itself.
Do any of your friends have children?
Some friends from work. A couple from University.
If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you would buy?
A recording studio, part of a record label, and some ace shoes.
Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Yep. The idea that I might be lazy is a horrible fear for me. I don't think I am, really, but it is one of the phrases that I use on myself when I am being at my most cruel.
Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
What CD is currently in your CD player?
The recordings I did at the weekend.
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
The idea of drinking milk makes me feel inexplicably sick. Chocolate milk I could cope with better, but still I don't think I could manage a whole glass.
Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Well, a couple of people have told me things and then said "oh, don't say anything to anyone, will you?" as an afterthought. Which was a shame because by that time I had already commissioned the sky-writer.
When was the last time someone hit on you?
Sunday afternoon. Unless you count Tom climbing up the front of my house last night to kiss me and scare Bec to death, which I actually do.
What did you have for dinner?
Last night I ate oatcakes and cheese. A few for energy before I went running, and then some afterwards because I wasn't hungry enough to be bothered to cook anything proper.
Do you wear hoodies often?
I wouldn't say often. Sometimes. When around the house, or polishing my asbo.
Can you whistle?
Yes, in the lips pursed, off-key, faux-nonchalant way. Not at all in the wolf-whistling, cool way.
Have you ever participated in a protest?
I went on the peace march a few weeks ago, and sat around in Westminster eating ham sandwiches and drinking Fosters, whilst listening to speeches with Chris and Dan. Some others, as well, but this is a really long meme-type thing and I can't be arsed to go through it.
Who was the last person to call you?
Tom. Shortly before he climbed up the side of my house.
What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
The doughnut stand.
Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Yeah, definitely. What else would they talk about? Their own lives? Don't be stupid.
What area code are you in right now?
Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Yes. I have fond memories of thundering down the stairs with my sisters at six am on a Saturday morning to sit two inches away from the screen, staring at the cartoons whilst eating Frosties.
How big is your local mall?
I'm not sure what my 'local mall' would be. I hate shopping centres. Hate hate hate.
How many siblings do you have?
Two lovely sisters. Alexandra, 26, and Sophie, 21.
Are you shy around the opposite sex?
Sometimes. I am shy around people I feel intimidated by, whichever sex they might be.
What is your biggest regret?
Not leaving Paris when I should have done, about a month before I actually did. I was there when I was eighteen, and I think that the loneliness and isolation I felt when I was there is the root of many of the problems I've had subsequently.
When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
I actually can't remember.
What movie do you know every line to?
Do you own any band t–shirts?
Some, but not because I have gone out of my way to buy them, just because I have acquired them by some means or another.
When was your last plane ride?
Last week. New Zealand.
How many chairs are at your dining room table?
Do you read for fun?
For some reason I read that question as 'Are you ready for fun?', to which my response was 'um... yeah, sure. What do you have in mind?'. I wonder what this says about me?
Anyway, yes, I do read for pleasure. I would also like to point out that I am ready for fun. So, whatever, a book, some tequila, whatever you fancy. I'm up for it.
Can you speak any languages other than English?
French, except that my vocab has slipped considerably. I also did A-level Spanish from scratch in my final year of University. I did hardly any work throughout the year then crammed like hell in the last three weeks, and got my best mark in it, out of everything. This made no sense at the time, and is a shining example of my utterly contrary and nonsensical ways. I have now, of course, forgotten all of it.
Do you do your own dishes?
Yes. Except when my lovely housemate David does them.
What color is your bedroom painted?
Have you ever cried in public?
Oh, yeah. Loads. Other people being present doesn't stop me expressing myself, be it through tears, laughter or random acts of extreme violence.
Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
A desktop. A shiny Mac.
Which do you make, wishes or plans?
Plans. Lots of them. Rarely wishes.
Are you always trying to learn new things?
Not really, I don't think. I am not on a constant quest for knowledge regardless of cost or boredom, but I enjoy knowing new things and learning new things.
Do you shower on a daily basis?
Yes, because I am not a hobo who drinks Special Brew and smells of stagnant wee.
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
No. For quite a while I was hankering for a star tattoo on my wrist, but I have meandered off the idea. I have one tattoo and one piercing (not including ears) and that is enough for now.
Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
Perhaps the first drink on the first date. Then it the girl should get the second drink, and them go from there. I think there should be a little gentle arguing about who pays for dinner. It wouldn't bother me to be paid for, to pay or to split it.
Can you skip rocks?
There is nothing about this question that I understand.
Have you ever been to Jamaica?
What to snack on at the movie theaters?
Pick n mix and a bottle of water. The best cinema for pick n mix is the one on the Fulham Road. Fact.
Who was your favorite teacher?
Possibly my A-level English teacher, Mrs Asher.
Have you ever dated someone out of your race?
What is the weather like?
Blue skies, sunny, but not too hot. Perfect.
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
What was your favorite class in high school?
English, theatre studies, art or geography.
Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes?
Aeroplanes make me despise people.
What personality trait is a must–have in your preferred gender?
Sense of humour.
Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
No, I don't think so.
When was the last time you slept on the floor?
Saturday night. Isaac, my producer, has no furniture in his spare room.
What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
I like wine, but also beer. Also I have been having cravings for Bloody Marys recently.
Does your closest Starbucks have a drive–thru?
Do you like your living arrangement?
Yes I do, although it is about to be changed as Bec is moving nearer to the school she teaches at, and David and I are going to move to North Of The River.
How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
At least seven, to really function properly.
Do you eat breakfast daily?
Oh, yes. It is very important.
What was the last thing to scare you?
See last post.
Are your days full and fast–paced?
No. In my head they are, but realistically not so much. I am striving to make them so.
Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?
Of course, every so often, but I mainly used to get told off for daydreaming.
What is your favorite fruit?
Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
Every so often, but not at all obsessively.
How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Yes. Very. Now everyone will be looking very closely at my spelling and grammar throughout the rest of the post for signs of spellological error. Or any gratuitous making up of words.
Do you believe in life on other planets?
Yes. From what I hear the Universe is pretty huge, it makes no sense that we would be the only ones. Also I believe everything Douglas Adams has ever written.
Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Who was the last person to piss you off?
In the last hour two people have made me cross enough to put lipbalm on angrily.
What was the last thing you ate?
Bran Flakes for breakfast. I am going to go and meet Lucy and Kirsten for lunch in about half an hour, so I am hungrily looking forward to that.
Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
Depends on the individual.
What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
I absolutely cannot remember at all.
How did your parents pick your name?
My Mum was reading a historical novel called 'These Old Shades' just before I was born, in which the heroine was a French girl called Léonie. She was a feisty redhead. I am a sometimes-feisty brunette-slash-auburn-in-some-lights. We are very similar.
Do you like mustard?
What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
I don't know, really. That they will get better, and that only I can make them better, I think.
Would you ever sky dive?
I sky-dived (dove?) when I was nineteen, the first time I visted New Zealand. It was awesome.
Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
I sleep on my front. In the recovery position, or near enough. It's best to be safe.
What do you think of Angelina Jolie?
I don't really think anything. She's a very pretty lady, and always seems to have very skinny arms, but apart from that I can't comment.
Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Tricky question. In actual fact I am not a very tactile person. I don't like my personal space to be invaded, and so can appear quite unresponsive to physical displays of affection. I do, however, enjoy giving hugs, because I wouldn't hug someone if I didn't feel the desire to in the first place. Sometimes I just don't feel like being touched. I am a cold, callous bitch who is impervious to human kindness, as it turns out.
Would you consider yourself to be fashionable?
I recently acquired a pair of skinny jeans in light grey. I own big sunglasses and wear long necklaces. I have been known to wear knee-high boots over trousers.
I would not wear stuff only because it was fashionable, flab bedamned, but I would say I am aware of what is going on, like, on the streets and stuff. I would not use the phrase 'down with the kids', however, no matter how much I might be tempted.
Do you own a digital camera?
Yep, it is a Sony Cyber-shot, 6 mega pixels, in a whizzy shiny silver colour.
If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?
Flattered. Then I would set the hounds on them.
What celebrities have you been compared to?
Someone once said I looked like Julianne Moore. This was many years ago, but I have chosen to remember it. (For things I have not chosen to remember, please see: All Maths.)
Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
Yes, but I do it. All the time.
What are you allergic to?
Nothing. Perhaps shouty people.
Are you a jealous person?
I am, quite. I would prefer not to be.
What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
Possible. I'd say doable, but I hate that word and I don't want anyone to think (read: know) I'm slutty.
Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat?
If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been?
Well, wasn't that enlightening? I will leave you to ponder the nature of the questions I deleted. (I would have answered the sex ones.)
I can't be bothered to read this through now, so any grammatical or spellological errors are to be breezily overlooked. I thank you.