Monday, August 07, 2006

Technology You Are My Bitch

On Saturday night I got drunk and discovered that I can do technology. I have discovered a new mathematical theroem:

Gin + Me = technological wizardry the likes of which has never been seen.

In other words I managed to post some pictures onto my blog. Other people have been doing this since the mid-1800s, but I have long since learned that just because other people can do things it does not necessarily mean that I will be able to do them. (See: long division. Also: eating parsley.)

I went out with the group of people I went to Biarritz with, and we decided that it was only fitting to continue the tradition we lovingly initiated on holiday of drinking gin and tonic at an alarming pace until our heads fell off/they ran out of gin at the bar, whichever came first. It was brilliant fun, and I think that despite some hazy memories of other people podium dancing, thankfully nobody thought to give me a leg up because I would have joined them, no question, had I thought about it.

At one point I took my drink back to the bar, claiming wildly that I could not taste the gin, and that it must only be tonic. The bar lady looked at me for a moment, and then after a pause she shrugged, took my glass from me and poured about another two shots in. I gratefully took it back off her, tasted it, and lo and behold, it was about ten million percent proof. Excellent, I thought, and proceeded to boast about it to all my friends, who were either silently impressed or didn't care at all. It was a real highlight for me, though.

With that being the general feeling of the entire evening, I rolled home to my flat at about three, and decided that it was the perfect moment to upload photos onto my blog. I am pleased that, despite my gin-soaked state, I didn't accidentally post the shots that I usually reserve for my other site. The naked one. You would have been horrified. I cannot quite believe I managed to do it, I even cropped and things. Gin is clearly a catalyst for inspired and unbounded genius.

Tom went to New Zealand on Saturday, so he can get things all neat and tidy for me next week, get the snow all perfect and the sky all crispy. My flight leaves on Saturday, and so far my preparations have consisted of feelings of guilt that I haven't tidied my room in two weeks and therefore have no idea where anything is, and feelings of dread, because Tom emailed me to say that they are showing Mission Impossible 3 on the flight over there, and Tom Cruise makes my skin fall off in horror and revulsion.

Anyway, thanks for saying nice things about the photos. I am very, very proud of myself for my technological prowess, some might say disproportionately so, but to those people I gesture rudely and ill-befitting a lady such as myself.

I am going to go and recreate the exact conditions of my victory and then do something else I have never really been able to do, like maths without crying, or sewing without resorting to the familiar comforts of the stapler.

(Oh, see below for photos, if you haven't already printed them out and stuck them on your wall.)


Blogger Huw said...

Finally; the materials needed for my Léonie face mask are in my possession. And with you out of the country from this weekend I can really wreak havoc.

3:48 pm

Blogger Curly said...

I'm confiscating all Gin & Tonic from London until you get back. That dastardly Huw can't have his way this time.

Last time I drank G&T, I fell over a bale of hay at a village fete and wiped out a small child in the process. It has different effects on different people I imagine.

5:11 pm

Blogger treespotter said...

i know that 10 million proof cocktail. really good. made my tongue feel green. or oqguzf (that's the word verif)

5:12 pm

Blogger treespotter said...

btw, you're still on this policy of not commenting to comment are you?

5:13 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Huw - People would be more shocked if you just went around being a bit normal and not falling over. If you wreak havoc as me people will just shrug and resolve to hide the gin better next time.

Curly - I would appreciate you keeping an eye on Huw while I'm gone. Not that I think he'd be able to shock, but it's probably safer if you keep all the gin under your bed in Wales. Don't drink it though - think of the children.

Treespotter - If it's not ten million you just can't taste it.

I actually thought I'd been being quite good about replying to comments recently. Must try harder.

5:25 pm

Anonymous e. said...

Wow, those are great pics. And a great hat!

7:47 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

You make me laugh longtime.. and also you = pretty! Did I mention funny? Love you to bits!

5:52 am

Blogger Rebecca said...

hello lovely leonie, the photos are incredible - cant wait to pinch the necklace. todays blog entry has left me rather embaressingly unable to spell and aldo laughing uproariously ina french internet cafe. strange people lookign strangely at me. i just want to say - hey, its leonie - but i dont think theyd get it.

Miss you lots though strangely ok - see blog - and finally started on starvation diet, right after the chocolate cookie i had for breakfast. going well so far...

you are a techno wizard, as i have always suspected. i will bring back duty free gin and you shall impart your wisdom. oh yes.

lots of love and stuff rxxx

2:12 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

e - Thank you. The hat was all feathery, but I liked it a lot. I felt grateful for the poor, naked birds that gave me their plumage, mainly.

Miss D - That's so lovely of you! Love you too... x

2:13 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Bec - The French get it, they're just being faux-nonchalant. I'm sure Sophie has put a memo around Paris, so if you could do the same with Nice I would appreciate it.

I am so glad things are happier for you. I am also on a starvation diet which started about five minutes ago after my HUGE M&S sandwich. It will last until I go to the shop later for chocolate.

J'espere que la vie Nicoise soit continuer d'etre fantastique ma jolie cohabitrice.

2:21 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Oh my God how thoroughly humiliating. I meant to say:

"J'espere que la vie Nicoise AILLE continuer d'etre fantastique, ma jolie cohabitrice."

Wait while I spiral into a pit of self-loathing.

2:31 pm

Blogger treespotter said...

then it must be just my low self esteem. pardon me, didn't mean to poke.

*go back to personality disorder clinic*

6:43 pm

Anonymous paul haine said...

"Tom Cruise makes my skin fall off in horror and revulsion."

This is what happens to his wife as well - that's why she looks younger with each incarnation. Oh, sure, they *tell* us she's a different person, but it's clearly just a smokescreen.

10:59 pm

Blogger lady miss marquise said...

Pictures are beautiful my love! (And as are you, obviously)

Love love the outfit, and oooh the hat is ever so divine and I can't see the necklace. I am already dreaming about the beauty of the necklace.

Um... I have very hazy recollections of doing the same *there's-no-vodka-in-this* on Friday, which should clear up the mystery of why I woke up fully clothed and make-up'ed with a head the texture of a sandbag.

11:57 pm

Blogger gilmic said...

technological wizardry is a great drunken skill. mine is for phoning people and impersonating broadband sales people. not so great.

11:50 am

Blogger Oli said...

Tut you didnt link the naked site *heartbroken* =p

9:03 am


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