Thursday, June 23, 2005

Embrace the Narcissism!

Thank you, Euan, for that delightful post and its inclusion of some pictures of me looking.. well.. as much as I hate to admit it.. just like I look most of the time. I would like to point out that I was drunk. Which, yes, I suppose, is how I look most of the time.

Today I want to write a fun, funny post about something interesting. I wanted entertaining wittcisms to leap from my brain in the manner of a leapy thing leaping from something (I left my analogies on the train this morning). And, you know, I always believe that if you want something enough and your heart is pure, you will get it. I'm very like Britney that way.

Alas. It has not happened. I have nothing. But, nevertheless I will write, because, hey, if I'm going to be bored and uninspired then you sure as hell are too.

So I will tell you all some Things I have been a-thinking.

I maybe should not have eaten that Mars Ice Cream just now. It was clearly Satan, incarnated into a chocolate-y caramel-y way. I have ballooned up and just had to roll myself to the water cooler.

My best friend in the world who is called Jenny and who was once described to me by one of my other friends as "like you but funnier", got a 1st in her degree. She's a clever one, that little minx.

My friend Chris has gone to Berlin for three months to work for some important paper and be all clever and German. I will miss him. Chris, I will miss you! Email lots please!

Being in an office in 30 degree heat in the middle of a city not designed for hot weather with no air conditioning is not conducive to work of any kind.

I was walking along yesterday and as I was strolling in my 'let's take eeeeencey weeeeeency little steps to put off going back to the office' manner, I noticed some workmen a bit further along the pavement were talking about me. I continued, and as I passed them, I overheard one say to the other "Nah mate, I think they're REAL!". I whipped around, smacked him in the face, pinned him to the floor with my stilletto heel trapping his windpipe, and growled "You ever look at me or my rack again? I will take your tiny excuse for a manhood and make a finger puppet with it. Hear me, you ugly-as-shit motherfucker?"*

*Or I might just have carried on walking. You decide.

I have been watching Kill Bill (both volumes) far too much recently and it may or may not have given me a slightly elevated sense of my own physical prowess.

I have a crush. That's all I'm saying.

I just spoke to a lady on the phone who ended the conversation with the word 'cheersies!'. Awesome.

I am going to see Coldplay on Tuesday at Crystal Palace. Last Sunday I went to see U2 at Twickenham. Cool? Cool. (What? What was that? Yes, don't be silly, of course you care. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading, dumbass.)

I think I might have a dangerous and inexplicable addiction to Mars Ice Creams.

I think that might be the entire content of my brain today. There you have it.



Blogger number1hypocrite said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:47 pm

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Crushes are fun.

I've been accused of having on before.

Alas, I am happily taken.

But, I've got to get some cleaning done before the closet monsters get me and take me away to the place where everything is neatly organized and dust-free.



5:49 pm

Blogger lakeline said...

Will you come to Chicago and walk along the street with me? I'm sure with both of us, we could stiletto-heel the hell out of their necks. Or we could just keep walking and go get beer. Whatever.

6:42 pm

Blogger Bug said...

In my boy-crazy opinion, every girl should have as MANY crushes as possible since NOTHING is more fun than that giddy, OHMYFUCKINGGODHE'SSOCUTE feeling you get every SECOND of the day :)

Crush away, hon (and post details!)

12:17 pm

Blogger Doug said...

You can't mention the crush without further details. That's like dangling bacon in front of a dog and the throwing it in the trash (later, you will find the trash all over the floor but no sign of the bacon tease).

10:32 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i want a crush. i might have a crush on london because i miss it.. :(

11:53 am


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