Hmm.. nice tits, shame about the face.

Think, Léonie. THINK. There must be SOMETHING interesting in your life that is worth talking about on the Internet whilst everyone around you gets on with their 'work' and talks to their 'friends'. I can't concentrate while that phone on my desk keeps ringing, I wish someone would pick it up, for fuck's sake. Do people not know I'm trying to be CREATIVE?

Oh, don't worry, I use the word 'creative' in the loosest possible sense.

I was advised yesterday that I should have a photo of myself on this site. Euan spent a LONG while taking photos of me with his digital camera, but apparently the Drunk In A Pub look isn't my best. We spent a long while doing this

Him: Ok, do... Sexy!
Me: Ok. I can do Sexy. Once a boy kissed me you know! And I've had sex. Yeah, Sexy I can TOTALLY nail (laughs at own joke).
Him: (Bizzarely not laughing as much. Humourless bastard.)
Me: (Sexy pose)
Him: (Takes photo. Inspects.) (Silence)
Me: Let me see! You know, because I FELT Sexy in that so... (inspects photo).. Oh. Ah. Not so much with the Sexy then.
Him: Er.. no. Possibly more with the drunk.
Me: But.. wha.. why aren't I Sexy? I FELT Sexy!
Him: You ARE Sexy. You're the most beautiful woman I have ever, ever seen and if we weren't such good friends I would want to marry you immediately. Oh, and also? You're funny. And cool. And have really good shoes.*
Me: (sniff) Well, let's try Happy. (Smiles)
Him: (Takes photo) (Inspects) (Pauses) Oh. Maybe we'll delete this one...
Me: I wanna see let me loo.. (inspects).. Oh. Why are my teeth funny? And my fringe looks silly. Oh (rends at garments) woe is me! At this rate I may NEVER become America's Next Top Model!**
Him: Stop rending at your garments. Right. You? Are ugly. And I? Am bored. Now drink your pint and shut up or I'll go and find someone with infinitely better shoes than you to talk to.


*Euan, if you're reading? We both know that actually you looked at me blankly and darkly muttered something about my 'personality', but I prefer my version and it's my blog so HA HA I will say what I like.
**This is a joke. Of course I will.

So. In short? No photo. I am, gentle reader, whatever you want me to be. And for my part I would like you to know that, in my mind you are all wearing naughty nun costumes and bear a striking resemblance to Hugo from Four Weddings and a Funeral.

I have to go now because, apparently I am supposed to pick up my phone, and in even more shocking news, EARN my money! Yes. My life is so HARD. Send me wine. Or plastic surgery vouchers. Or maybe (you cheap bastard) a paper bag with some holes cut for my eyes.

(sob)