Thursday, June 09, 2005

Hmm.. nice tits, shame about the face.

Think, Léonie. THINK. There must be SOMETHING interesting in your life that is worth talking about on the Internet whilst everyone around you gets on with their 'work' and talks to their 'friends'. I can't concentrate while that phone on my desk keeps ringing, I wish someone would pick it up, for fuck's sake. Do people not know I'm trying to be CREATIVE?

Oh, don't worry, I use the word 'creative' in the loosest possible sense.

I was advised yesterday that I should have a photo of myself on this site. Euan spent a LONG while taking photos of me with his digital camera, but apparently the Drunk In A Pub look isn't my best. We spent a long while doing this

Him: Ok, do... Sexy!
Me: Ok. I can do Sexy. Once a boy kissed me you know! And I've had sex. Yeah, Sexy I can TOTALLY nail (laughs at own joke).
Him: (Bizzarely not laughing as much. Humourless bastard.)
Me: (Sexy pose)
Him: (Takes photo. Inspects.) (Silence)
Me: Let me see! You know, because I FELT Sexy in that so... (inspects photo).. Oh. Ah. Not so much with the Sexy then.
Him: Er.. no. Possibly more with the drunk.
Me: But.. wha.. why aren't I Sexy? I FELT Sexy!
Him: You ARE Sexy. You're the most beautiful woman I have ever, ever seen and if we weren't such good friends I would want to marry you immediately. Oh, and also? You're funny. And cool. And have really good shoes.*
Me: (sniff) Well, let's try Happy. (Smiles)
Him: (Takes photo) (Inspects) (Pauses) Oh. Maybe we'll delete this one...
Me: I wanna see let me loo.. (inspects).. Oh. Why are my teeth funny? And my fringe looks silly. Oh (rends at garments) woe is me! At this rate I may NEVER become America's Next Top Model!**
Him: Stop rending at your garments. Right. You? Are ugly. And I? Am bored. Now drink your pint and shut up or I'll go and find someone with infinitely better shoes than you to talk to.


*Euan, if you're reading? We both know that actually you looked at me blankly and darkly muttered something about my 'personality', but I prefer my version and it's my blog so HA HA I will say what I like.
**This is a joke. Of course I will.

So. In short? No photo. I am, gentle reader, whatever you want me to be. And for my part I would like you to know that, in my mind you are all wearing naughty nun costumes and bear a striking resemblance to Hugo from Four Weddings and a Funeral.

I have to go now because, apparently I am supposed to pick up my phone, and in even more shocking news, EARN my money! Yes. My life is so HARD. Send me wine. Or plastic surgery vouchers. Or maybe (you cheap bastard) a paper bag with some holes cut for my eyes.

(sob)

11 Comments:

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Nah.

You are damn hott and you know it.

Whats more, the internet doesn't need to know what you look like. you are too good looking for that. I only post my picture because I think I'm funny looking.

12:44 pm

 
Anonymous Paul said...

I think number1hypocrite has an internet-text-based crush on you...

...and everyone, absolutely everyone, looks funny when they're drunk. Christ, you've seen me drunk. Not so pleasant.

So I shouldn't worry. In a nice, friendly way, I think you look lovely. And bear in mind that Euan is sometimes impenetrably sarcastic.

Hope it was drunken fun all-round otherwise...

1:28 pm

 
Blogger peashelle said...

You're clever and funny, and I'm sure you're also lovely.

5:37 pm

 
Anonymous Euan said...

Just to clarify, I said, "But I thought ugly people were supposed to have NICE personalities". Of course you weren't supposed to hear that, so I apologise.

I hope I haven't made anything worse. Like your face.

Hugs and kisses
Euan x

P.S. Anyone reading this who doesn't know Léonie flesh-wise should know... Léonie is actually very pretty. It's her personality that is her downfall.

Euan

8:09 pm

 
Anonymous Jenny said...

Okay, now you HAVE to share the picture, because I bet it's lovely and/or very funny. :)

9:08 pm

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought that was funny - so you must be funny

andre
abeautifulrevolution.com

10:55 pm

 
Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

Just to clarify, Paul...

I do not have an "internet-text-based crush" on our friend here. I merely think that she should think higher of herself than she does. I'm sure that she is beautiful, no matter how opposite of that she claims to be.

So there. =)

1:17 am

 
Blogger Doug said...

I only know the personality through the blog, but my thoughts are the same as number1hypocrite.

3:31 pm

 
Blogger Bug said...

Yeah RIGHT. Like you're not a babe! I can just TELL that you're one of those gorgeous chicks who all the guys love and who I want to hate cos they steal the guys away from me but can't hate cos they're so nice

Yes. You're like that

3:35 pm

 
Blogger Doug said...

I think maybe we have a super model here and we have actually seen here picture a hundred times on different mags and advertising.

5:48 pm

 
Anonymous Bec said...

Hmmm...I have lots of photos of Leonie that I could post somewhere for all to see - if she is still feeling this coy!

There are a few choice moments in particularly bad costumes.....if I cast my mind back to our Uni days....: )

Love you!

12:50 pm

 

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