Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I wish that the first post of 2006 could be funnier.

I have so far managed to stick to EVERY SINGLE ONE of my New Year's Resolutions!

I know! Isn't it wonderful?!

The trick here, children, is that whilst I was distracting you with the flagrant over-use of exclamation marks I was simultaneously making really stupid New Year's Resolutions. See below for reference.

NYR 1. I solemnly resolve to cease chasing elephants down the street whilst one or both of us is naked, brandishing a pink stick and shouting the word 'SPANDEX' in capital letters.

NYR 2. I solemly resolve never again to put my shoes on my knees and walk around on them pretending to be a 'little person'.

NYR 3. I solemnly resolve to stop being a regular performer in "River Dance: Even Grannies Are Bored Of It Now" staged on a Tuesday afternoon at the Lower Dotford Church Hall, just before the Coffee And Bourbons Society's weekly game of 40/40.

You see? You too can feel good about yourself if you just follow my lead.


I hope you had a lovely Christmas and New Year. I really did. By the time I finished work last year I was like this:


In my head, I mean. On the outside I exuded the sort of cool that you can't buy. Trust me, I did. Anyone who tells you any different (um... that would be anyone who has ever met me or to whom I have ever explained my 'Charmed is the Best Programme In The World Ever' theory) is lying or insane or both.

So I was EXCITED! Like THIS!

It meant that, when I woke up on Christmas Eve (!) I was really excited (!) even when I realised that I had left 75% of the presents I had bought for my family at work (!). I am not EVEN joking.
No matter, I thought, I will just re-buy them! Hurray! And then take back the ones that are at work! Although I know myself and I have never successfully taken anything back in my life because I am a combination of scatty and lazy that is at once endearing and really, really annoying.

So off I went, towing Sophie (sister) (impish) behind me and making lists which I lost within, oh, seconds, and I actually achieved my shopping within mere hours.

In my family we do a thing where we draw a name out of a hat and we each do a stocking's worth of presents for that person, as well as individual presents to individuals. So the stocking is opened when we all leap out of bed at the crack of dawn and stand pawing at the sitting room door until we are allowed in (read: drag ourselves out of bed at eleven, fighting our furious hangovers and wrapping the last minute presents) (the best was the year Sophie woke up in a pile of her own vomit) (she might not say that was the best, but it was, it really was).

I had to do Alex (other sister) (also impish, though). I think I did alright. I got LOVELY presents. My Dad had me, so I got everything I asked for. Scarf, gloves, lip gloss, pony. Well, perhaps not all of those things. Apparently they were out of lip gloss at the pony shop.

There were boots. (I am avoiding saying 'I got' because I feel like it'll make me seem grabby and like Veruca Salt) The boots are GREAT and have really high heels and are my best friends. I tell them everything. I've told them all your secrets, so be nice to them.

There was also a 'voucher' from my parents for £150! To spend on clothes! I am going to spend half of that on bras.

My favourite present was a poster for my new room in my new flat. It is a poster of the Charmed girls. I know, I know, I'm a loser, but you don't understand. I love that show and won't hear a bad word against it. I don't like Shannen Doherty, but I like Rose McGowan and Holly Marie Combs and have a massive crush on Alyssa Milano, and magic is good! And demons are bad! And stuff! For some reason watching Charmed makes me feel good. It makes me want to wear lipgloss, have a great rack and learn marshal arts. It gives me a lift. Again, I know, I am a loser. But it's something, and now I can look at this poster EVERY SINGLE DAY! Also the person who gave it to me is a really hot guy who is also nice. He also gave me something else but I am way too shy to talk about a vibrating rubber duck for the bath in a public forum such as this.

My favourite present that I GAVE was perhaps the pair of striped sparkly knee high socks for Sophie, or the necklace for Alex which I'm not sure she really liked that much but WILL, dammit, because it's lovely.

New Year's Eve was cool, went to a bar in Angel with some people. It was fun, except that there was no countdown. I like a bit of heathily built up anticipation, you know, a bit of "ten... nine... eight..." in a robust if drunken chant. But not so much at the Cool Bar (that wasn't it's name, I've forgotten the real name), no, it was more like everyone dancing and then WHAM! New Year! (By which I mean it was very sudden. Not like we were dancing, and then suddenly we heard Club Tropicana and then it was New Year. You knew that, though.)
There was some muttering and looking at watches going on, people saying things like "well, I DO set it a couple of minutes fast, you know, or you just never get places on time...", "should we call the talking clock?" and "have we got time to do another shot of tequila?", and then suddenly they turned off the music and everyone huggged and poured their drinks down each other's back and tried to find someone to snog who wasn't already heading to the toilets to stand with their back under the hand drier.

I had someone to kiss.

It's either my lip gloss wearing or my marshal arts skills. Or... no, can't think of anything else.

Hasn't this become a long old post?

In other news:

- I have written three songs, enough for a demo and a good start towards a set's worth. I am tentatively quite pleased with them.

- In two weeks, if everything goes to plan, I will be moving to my new flat. I really, really hope everything goes to plan.

- I am going to have a FUCKING BRILLIANT 2006. I feel it.

- I even like my hair a little bit.

- My fingers have started to hurt a bit as I've typed this all in one go without stopping, and I need coffee as well. Perhaps I'll update.

- Happy New Year, oh thousands-strong readership.


Anonymous Adrian said...

Sounds great. Glad you had a good Christas and New Year. Hope you have a fantastic 2006.

12:30 pm

Anonymous Adrian said...

Ahem. Christas obviously means Christmas.

12:31 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

'for the bath' of COURSE..

7:45 pm

Blogger Ant said...

I'd say that post was funny - had me smiling anyway...

Happy NY!

9:00 pm

Anonymous number1hypocrite said...

It doesn't matter if you stick to your New Year's Resolutions, because hardly anyone knows the Latin origin of the word.

"Reso" meaning "impossible",
"Lutions" meaning "promises".

Besides, seeing you chase an elephant with a pink stick would be rather humorous.

10:37 pm

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

New series of Charmed starts soon. Yay! This makes me HAPPY. Also, at last someone else who is not afraid to hold up their hands and say "I Liked Charmed - it rocks"!

Happy New Year - I hope that 2006 is stuffed full with fun, happiness and success. Oh and Fit Men!

11:44 am

Blogger lady miss marquise said...

Hee hee, I didn't get anything remotely resembling a vibrating rubber duck and I think I may even be a teensy bit jealous...

A very Happy 2006 to you.

11:54 am

Blogger hen said...

Yep 2006 is going to be the best year in the history of mankind. It is going to rock - I just know.

That is the great thing about Angle - all the bars are cool so you don't have to remember their names, except that one - you know - the crap one.

Happy New Year.

12:10 pm

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

OK.. WHERE in ME do I have a bar?!!

'..went to a bar in Angel..'

Seriously.. if I had a bar in me, I think I'd know it..

And oh yeah.. figured out the vibrating present.. had missed this post. Maybe I do have a bar in me and I've been drinking too much from it.

12:46 am


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