Thursday, November 16, 2006

Is it wrong

to want to be fought for?

To want to believe that I am worth putting up some resistance for?

I want someone who has the courage to want to sweep me off my feet and keep doing it, and who in turn inspires me to sweep me off theirs time and time again.

Everyone is afraid.

I want someone who isn't afraid of being afraid.

Someone who can, and will, fight for me. Who isn't a coward.

I am terrified that lack of cowardice is too much to ask.

Because I can't want anything less, not really.


Blogger copasetic fish said...

it's not wrong. every girl should have someone like that in her life.

1:00 am

Anonymous andre said...

Oh yes I have found myself in that place to. Quite recently. But they never even tried to fight. And so it was over before it had even begun.

1:47 am

Blogger raerae said...

So don't settle for less. Trust me, a good sandwich of ham, cheese and pickle is better than getting less than you deserve from someone. Keep singin' sister, the rest will come!

3:50 am

Blogger Cynnie said...

You are worth someone going to the ends of the earth to keep..( make sense?)
I never allowed anyone to actually work to get me..I'd always meet them more than halfway..
And it always leaves me feeling empty and used.
This new dude is working and fighting to get me and keep me.
I think he might be "THE" one

4:51 am

Anonymous Pete said...

Like all matters of the heart, it will only come to you when you have resigned yourself to never having it.

9:30 am

Blogger Curly said...

No, it isn't wrong at all.

Not everyone is afraid. It may take time to find the ones that aren't.

9:43 am

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps this is just me, but my impression is that often 'courage' is learnt over time, from being with that person. You can't expect it immediately, or even months into the relationship.

I'm not sure it helps to talk about a person who is 'not afraid of being afraid', of being a 'coward': sometimes they're just going to do something that disappoints you just as you will for them.

Not really sure what I'm saying here, but I just find words like 'cowardice' and 'fighting' a bit too grand for something like 'love' which is highly intimate and yet so arbitrary.

11:48 am

Anonymous Emily said...

Hmmm. I don't think it's unusual to want to be fought for, but actually, I do think it is wrong.

How would you feel if someone you really cared about rejected you? Would you really go crawling to them and begging them to take you back? And even if you did (which I think is unlikely after the age of seventeen) how would you feel if they did agree to let you back into their heart? Maybe slightly pleased and relieved, but also still sad and disillusioned that someone you loved hurt you like that in the first place.

If you really care about someone, then sorry, but I do think it is wrong to put them through that.

(I don't know if I've interpreted your situation correctly, and apologies if I haven't. An ex once broke up with me and afterwards HE was the one who got upset, complaining that I "didn't even fight" for him. It's a bit of a sore point!)

3:27 pm

Blogger The Boy said...

Courage is doing what you know is right despite your fear. Its what every person should strive for. It is what *should* be at the base of any good relationship. You're not wrong to want it, and you will find it.

3:49 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Emily - Thanks for your comment. I haven't actually given enough information on my situation so I'm not surprised that it might be construed slightly wrongly!

I wouldn't do what your ex did. My situation is different to that one. Rejecting someone so that you can see whether they'd come back to you is fucked up, and not at all my style.

Anonymous - I think that love isn't actually arbitrary, whatever the hell it is. Or perhaps, if 'love' is an arbitrary concept then so is 'cowardice'. Why give any more importance to cowardice than to love?
Elaborate... if you come back...

3:50 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Everyone else, I'm not ignoring your comments, I just happen to agree with them so I have nothing to add.


3:52 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow. i loved this post. i think this is something every girl wants.

3:54 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, I didn't say love was an arbitrary concept. What I should have said was love was an arbitrary condition. I mean, much depends on what kind of person you are when you meet person X, who might not be right for you then, but may be perfect for in 10 years' time (but then, perhaps that was you 10 years ago). So too with cowardice, if you want to call it that: but perhaps that person's been hurt too many times, or something.

I think what I objected to was the abstractness of it. You can say, you want to be fought for, but in what circumstances? To call someone cowardly for fearing to do something when they don't know you well enough--or perhaps when you don't know them well enough--seems quite harsh to me.

I'm not saying people can't be cowardly: what I'm querying is "when". That's why I said that courage sometimes comes with being with a person, experiencing them as someone different from oneself. No one comes to a relationship completely formed, and it takes time to build up trust.

I might add that it's curious that 2 people have said this is something "every girl" wants or should have. why not men?

4:58 pm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

oops, I better take back the 'every girl' comment. Because everyone will assume I'm being snarky, or hostile, and I'm really not. It's wrong of me to infer anything from these comments.

5:05 pm

Blogger Léonie said...

Anonymous - I think they were speaking for every girl because they are girls.

Cowardice is not doing what you know to be right because you're scared of the negative impact it might have on your status quo. Cowardice is not doing the right thing by someone else in order protect your own interests, even if it means hurting the other person.

I didn't really mean to make sweeping statements about the nature of all relationships. I agree with you that it must take time to trust and be trusted. What I object to is being hurt because the other person is too cowardly to be honest with themselves or with me.

As for the being fought for thing, all I want is for someone to think I am worth fighting for. No specific circumstances surround that, and it doesn't apply solely to men or solely to women.

I think maybe we are arguing different points.

I didn't assume you were being snarky or hostile, I do see your points and enjoyed thinking about them, so thanks.

(Stop being anonymous, though. Make up a name if you must. It makes it all seem a bit cloak and dagger for me.)

5:30 pm

Anonymous Anon said...

well, I'd prefer to put it this way: try to conduct all one's relationships with dignity. That's not always possible, of course....

I think my comments might have been a bit unfair because it's a bit difficult for you to be more concrete without actually talking about your recent breakup. I feel a bit guilty for pushing you on the point.

yes I should get a name but it's too difficult to think up anything witty. I thought of "B sharp" but the simpsons got there first.

6:27 pm

Anonymous Huwnonymous said...

anon - at least just link to a faintly amusing picture like so. It doesn't give us any more clue, but it's somehow more satisfying for all involved.

7:46 pm

Anonymous galatea said...

May I recommend that you take the opportunity to read some hardcore poetry? Wendy Cope's 'From June to December' is always a good one, I find. And always the Philip Larkin.

8:35 pm

Anonymous Timbo said...

About the 'afraid' thing; good point. Too many people, primarily blokes, make such a big deal about being tough and emotionless. Life without emotion is completely and utterly pointless.

I'm proud to say that I am no longer a man who is unsure about whether to be afraid or to be afraid of being afraid. I have Mrs Timbo to thank for that. Now I cry at everything, and will stop at nothing to keep the woman who made my life worthwhile.

It's all just a bit bloody lovely. *sob sob*

So good luck getting what you want. We do exist.

11:12 pm

Blogger Dancinfairy said...

I don't think that this is too much to ask.

In my experience it is about giving up too easily and walking away from something when it becomes a little difficult.

That is what I want in a man, someone who is not afraid to hang on and try and make things better. To fight for me but more importantly to fight for what we had together.

11:38 am

Blogger Miss Devylish said...

I say that all the time honey.. You are worth fighting for.. you should know that. The one who does that will probably be the one who sticks around. I haven't found him yet either. Cowards abound. One day for both of us tho.. I'm sure of it. xoxox

7:13 am


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